Constants and Variables

Game--Bioshock: Infinite

System--PS3, Xbox 360, PC

Release--March, 2013


When I first heard of Bioshock: Infinite my expectations were low. The prequel to the ever popular Bioshock couldn't possibly be better. How could it top the under the sea dystopian antics of Ryan and Fontaine? Especially after the sequel panned out to be a pale imitation of it's predecessor.

The answer lies in time manipulation and companionship. Similar to Half-Life 2, Infinite tells a tale through the interactions of the main playable character, Booker, and the non-playable character, Elizabeth. The relationship between the two characters is one of the driving forces pushing the plot, and it is well executed.

Many touching moments are shared between Elizabeth and Booker that are seldom seen in games today. There are also strong themes throughout the story that range from religion and industrialization; to temporal distortions and paternal problems. Not surprising, the city in the clouds has much in common with its sister in the sea.

Booker is sent to the city of Columbia with a simple task. Find Elizabeth to wipe away his debt. Taking place during the early 1900's the American city is a utopia for the privileged white elite. You know. Those kind folks who didn't appreciate Lincolns little war. They just wanted a safe haven to practice their faith, and protect their white babies. Turns out it's a heck of a lot easier to secede from the Union when you are a floating city in the sky. Of course Columbia doesn't reject their darker skinned brothers and sisters. Someone has to work in the industrial sector, and keep the place spic and span.

Naturally the town goes to hell in a hand basket shortly after Booker arrives. He has to fight his way through waves of armed forces using any gun he can find and Plasmids--I mean Vigors. That's the bottled goodness granting you magic from your finger tips.

There's decent variation between enemies, but the guns could have been better. Luckily the Vigors nicely supplement the lackluster arsenal. If you've played any of the Bioshocks, then you'll be familiar with the gameplay. The powers are different, but not to the point of confusion. Fire is fire. Lightening is Lightening. Bees are now Crows. etc. The new twists lie with your partner and the Skyline.


Elizabeth is your best buddy in a firefight. She will throw ammo, salts (used to refill your Vigors), and health packs when you need it most. She can also make all sorts of items appear with her temporal powers.

Not to be outdone. Booker can leap on to the overhead railing and zip around the area in style. The swashbuckling feel is enjoyable, and landing on unsuspecting enemies is rewarding. The rail device attaches to the left hand, which also doubles as a viscous melee weapon. Players can access melee, guns, or powers at any time without having to switch between the three. As a result the whole combat system feels more streamlined, and the action wasn't interrupted as frequently as past titles.

Infinite does a great job implementing new tactics into a familiar setting, while simultaneously redefining the Bioshock universe. The developers brilliantly found a way to explain why the formula would be copied from the previous titles. Elizabeth is gifted with some serious temporal powers that allow her to tear open time itself. This provides all sorts of interesting twists and turns throughout the story. By the end players will have a completely new perspective of this fictional playground.

If you are like me, then you'll immediate start up a new game to catch all the foreshadowing and innuendo. Bioshock: Infinite is easily my favorite game of the year, and I'm looking forward to the upcoming downloadable content Burial at Sea.

Fallout Lite

Game: Rage

System: PS3, Xbox 360, PC

Release: October 2011

Rage was one of those games I really wanted to love. The classic post apocalypse setting. Vehicle races and combat. Open world environment. Gorgeous graphics and smooth gameplay. All are ingredients for a great game, but something was missing. That something was variety.

If you've played the first half of Rage, then stop. The second half is exactly the same. Find the main town. Get some guns and vehicles. Upgrade equipment by earning money from completing missions and races. Watch towns get taken over by the "Authority" as secrets from your past are revealed. End with some sort of climax. Rinse, wash, repeat. It's like having sex twice in a row. Everything is still fun, but you've seen it all before and it takes longer to finish.

The plot is almost a blatant rip off of Fallout 3. Instead of Vaults there are Arks. Instead of The Enclave there is The Authority. Instead of ghouls there are mutants. The main character wakes up/escapes/leaves the Vault/Ark to change the chaotic world that has risen from the ashes. Outside they encounter multiple factions that range from wild mutants to small settlements to large cities. Rage is like Fallout stripped of the compelling plot, interesting setting, and RPG elements. It's Fallout Lite with vehicles.

Gameplay is what you would expect from a title developed by Id. In this regard, the creators of Doom and Quake have not lost their FPS touch. The controls are smooth and responsive. Driving is fun, and reminds me of my days working on Mercenaries 2: World in Flames. Weapons are your standard FPS arsenal with the exception of the crossbow and wingsticks. The latter is basically the boomerang the kid used in the movie Mad Max, and both are a vain attempt to provide a stealth option.

Enemies could be smarter, and most encounters follow the standard FPS rhythm. Melee characters will charge blindly into your cross-hair. Gunslingers will attempt to hide behind cover yet always seem to poke their head out just long enough for you to get a shot off. If you stay in one spot for too long, then a grenade will be tossed to force you from cover. None of this is bad, but it hardly provides anything unique to a saturated genre.

The standard gameplay formula is enhanced by the top notch graphics and sound. I found myself staring at the vast landscape and beautiful clouds for minutes at a time. Character models are nicely detailed. The voice acting is a mix of no names and celebrities like John Goodman, but all deliver their lines well. The music fits the environment, but doesn't particularly stand out. All in all the presentation is the strongest selling point for Rage.

Presentation alone, however, doesn't make for a great game. The unoriginal plot was poorly executed. The repetition is terrible, and affects everything from pacing to gameplay. If this game was released when the PS3 and Xbox 360 launched, then it could have been a hit. Yet after so many years of shooters Rage fails to stand out from the crowd.

DLC Hodge-Podge

Greetings true believers! This post will cover some of the DLC that I've experienced since the beginning of this year for Batman: Arkham City and Deadspace 2.

Arkham City:

Unlike the previous tittle Arkham City has seen a ton of post launch support. Some of the content was available since day one in the guise of pre-order bonuses, but eventually everything went up for sale on Xbox Live or the PSN. The slew of content contains different costumes for Batman as well as new maps and characters for the Riddler Challenge Mode.

The most boring pack only gives you costumes for Batman to wear in the campaign or challenge mode. The kicker is you have to complete the game before changing tights. If you are not planning multiple playthroughs, then you may want to avoid this purchase. Luckily the other content packs are a bit more robust.

The Robin pack features the character by the same name and two maps. Robin feels like a weaker version of Batman with a few unique gadgets and a staff. In particular, I enjoyed the remote detonating shock-wave mines. Like all non-Batman characters, Robin is lacking some key moves which really hinder his combat strength. Fans will automatically be frustrated when they can't destroy enemy weapons, or discovers the lack of gadgets in stealth situations. Regardless having different playable characters extends the replay value of the challenge mode.

Nightwing is also featured in his own DLC pack with a couple of new maps. As I mentioned with Robin, Dick is lacking some moves and gadgets compared to the Dark Knight. Unlike Robin I believe Nightwing holds his own in combat, and feels like an upgraded Catwoman. Most of his area of effect abilities are fantastic, and make up for the lack of take-down moves. For stealth sections NW can be a bit frustrating. He lacks the ability to glide, and many of his gadgets are glorified batarangs.

Both the Nightwing and Robin packs features awesome maps. Each comes with a stealth, and my personal favorite, brawler game modes. The train level found in the Robin pack gives a left to right string of events versus the more traditional open room design. The level ends with a boss fight against the Black Mask. The Nightwing pack has you exploring Wayne Manor, and the brawler features a good mixture of enemies.

Finally there is the map pack featuring two brawler levels and one stealth segment. I didn't care much for the Batcave sneaky stuff, but the other maps had unique twists to the typical combat scenario. The Iceberg Lounge is the cliche unending bad guy design. Villains will move faster, and weapons become more prevalent, as time goes on. Joker's Carnival is similar, but features a cash in system. Build up the meter by kicking ass and not getting hit. Any damage taken resets the meter. The higher the meter the more difficult the enemies. If you get up to a one-hundred hit combo Joker himself comes to crash the party. Fun stuff.

Obviously if you don't like the challenge mode in Arkham City the DLC content is not for you. There is no effect on the main story. The costumes are superficial. The new characters are a nice touch, but they are also not game changing. I only recommend this purchase for the die hard fans, or for people who seriously enjoy the challenge modes.

Deadspace 2: Severed


Severed is a short but sweet return to the world of Deadspace 2. Players take on the roll of a soldier named Gabe Weller. His story takes place during the events of the main game. Gabe is constantly coming across areas that Issac has plowed through, and is desperately trying to find his girlfriend Lexine Murdoch. She is the target of some government agents because of a big secret that is revealed towards the end of the two chapters.

The plot follows the general survival horror and conspiracy beats that Issac Clark experiences. The gameplay is unchanged, and because the main character is different all stats are reset. This is actually a good thing because it keeps the DLC challenging. There is one boss fight against a gunship, and the ending is cliche but well done.

Overall Servered is fun trip back to the world of Deadspace. A little short, but what's there is solid. I wouldn't recommend this content for fair weather fans. If, however, you can't wait for the next Deadspace, then Severed will help you scratch that itch.

Cha Ching!

Game: Modern Warfare 3 (MW3)

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC, Wii

Release: November 2011

Here we go again. Another installment of the popular Call of Duty franchise. The last game made by the original creators of Modern Warfare; due to legal disputes with Activision. The tittle forge by three studios--Treyarch (Wii), Infinity Ward, and Sledge Hammer--with support of the new Call of Duty Elite by Beachhead Studios. Can the latest tittle keep the money train running?

Of course it can. This isn't their first rodeo. MW3 offers the tired and true formula with a few minor tweaks to multiplayer and the long drawn out conclusion to the adventures of Captain Price and pals. Spec Ops also makes a triumph return with new missions and a survivor mode. The gameplay is still smooth. The action just as intense and exciting. The story just as ridiculous as ever. It's everything I could have hoped for.

Multiplayer is given the largest overhaul. Players can now create classes with customized kill streaks. There are three categories Assault, Support, and Specialization. Assault is a heavily offensive strike package that is very similar to previous CoD titles. Support keeps your kill streak going after death, and offers more defensive options like SAM turrets and ballistic vests. Finally Specialist classes can unlock additional perks in lieu of strike packages, and after a certain amount of kills, all perks are granted. This can really tare through enemies, and all three categories are a great addition to the multiplayer formula.

Maps and weapons are your standard lot for any Call of Duty. Each map has three major paths. Some favor close range fighting others are more open for snipers. The same old weapon categories exist with a few pristine selections in each. My particular favorites are the PP90M1, Type 95, Striker, and FMG-9 akimbo. This time around weapons have a separate experience bar. Each new level opens additional attachments, color schemes, and weapon perks. The perks offer a variety of new bonuses to the gun that range from increased bullet damage to reduced recoil. Nothing new to the franchise, but presented in a different fashion.


The same could be said about the single player. The campaign is intense, and the conclusion is satisfying.  Visiting major cities like New York, Paris, and London is awesome. MW3 doesn't shy away from destroying national landmarks either. There are more AC-130, sniper, and rail gun segments. The Americas are still fighting the large battles while the British find the evil ring leaders. Russia continues to supply a seemingly endless supply of soldiers to shoot. (Seriously who has the man power to invade the United States and all of Europe.) The developers also do a decent job connecting the events of the first two games to the third.

Finally there is Spec Ops. Players can team up to take on a series of missions like MW2, or they can try their luck at the Survival mode. The missions loosely tie into the main plot which is a nice touch. The survival maps offer a good variety of difficulty, and can be quite enjoyable in both split and full screen versions. Overall a nice update to a previously successful game type.

Odds are you have made up your mind to purchase or avoid the latest Modern Warfare 3. Die hard fans have made this franchise the most successful FPS in console history. The multiplayer formula sees minor adjustments that have big results in game. The story comes to an end--for now--and the Spec Ops mode keeps on truck'n. Add to this CoD: Elite, a separate paid subscription service that offers a variety of downloadable content, and you have a game beaming with replay value. Snerts Snazzy Score is Full Price!

Battlefield...Fuck Ya!

Game: Battlefield 3

System: PC, PS3, Xbox 360

Release: October 2011

Battlefield 3 is an excellent single player experience. I'd write about the multiplayer and co-op, but EA denies free access to this content if you do not purchase a new copy. I sincerely hope this policy backfires on EA. Odds are if you rent or buy used, you don't have a ton of cash to be spending on games. How likely is the consumer to purchase on-line access to one game? Especially when Modern Warfare 3 is about to be released. 

Gamefly, however, appears to be working on the issue and is offering free on-line passes. According to an email I received the code should be arriving within the week. 

Any who, as I was saying, BF3 is a great single player experience. The games plot feels like a blend of Black Ops and Modern Warfare, but the gameplay is a more realistic approach not found in Call of Duty. The franchise continues to provide insane combat scenarios featuring a variety of vehicles. There is a fighter jet and tank segment that are like nothing I've ever seen in a first-person shooter. The graphics are top notch, and the gameplay is much smoother then the Bad Company games. EA and DICE vividly illustrate that Call of Duty is not the only military shooter worth playing. 

The main protagonist is a Sgt. Blackburn, but players will take on the roles of other characters throughout the campaign. B.burn is introduced to us under arrest which sets up the basic flashback plot device--see Black Ops. As he's interrogated the pieces slowly come together. Nukes end up missing, commands are questioned, unlikely allies are made, and it all ends on a train to Time Square. 

Warning Spoilers Ahead....

BF3 has many impressive cinematic moments that build upon the classic Modern Warfare death scene. A solider from the tank campaign is captured and executed. Players witness the atrocity from the perspective of the captive. The bright light blinds you from behind the camera as your head is forced back before the knife slits your throat. Later B.burn comes across the room where the US soldier was executed. The whole sequence of events is very entertaining, and more detailed then what I've seen in the Call of Duty franchise. 

The other two segments worth mentioning are the levels set in France and New York. Playing as a Russian you storm through the streets of Paris in an attempt to find a bomb. The level weaves you around populated streets, and the action is very intense. The developers did an excellent job capturing the thrill of the chase. Sure having a nuke go off is cliche at this point, but it was well done and made since within the game. 

The same can be said in regards to the New York level. You are chasing the villains starting on foot, then on a train, and finally in a car. Fantastic! This time around the cliche is saving the day--looks like Paris is the only city to be nuked. Add to these cinematic moments the vehicles segments, and you have the top of line military shooter. (Of course that all can change next week with the release of Modern Warfare 3.)

BF3 has everything you could possibly want from a first person shooter. There are awesome vehicles, intense battles, a great single player, and a host of multiplayer modes. Snerts Snazzy Score is Full Price! for fans of the series, and On Sale! for shooter aficionados.

Cake for Two

Game: Portal 2

System: PC, Xbox 360, PS3


Release: April 2011

Portal 2, and the original, brings thinking to the first person shooter. A puzzle game at heart that succeeds where others have failed--I'm looking at you Mirror's Edge. The run n' gun formula is set aside, but Valve keeps the Half-Life universe. Players are given a portal gun. It fires two connected way-points that are used to solve various puzzles and eventually escape your prison aka Aperture Laboratories.

Portal 1 was a quick side project that was tossed out to the masses. A two hour jog through a series of test chambers guided by a sadistically  sarcastic AI named GLaDOS. It was an excellent experience that I highly recommend. The game is currently free on Steam and was apart of the Orange Box package on Xbox 360.

The sequel expands the lore and offers a co-op experience like no other. The campaign continues the story of the human Chell--destroyer of GLaDOS. She awakes to Wheatly the robot ball instructing her not to die. He wants to replace the rebooted GLaDOS, and does so with the help of Chell. Of course Wheatly is a dumb-ass and betrays you. Thrown into a vent you and GLaDOS--now hooked up to a potato--discover the original Aperture Laboratories.

J.K. Simmons--aka awesome actor--plays Cave Johnson the founder of all this crazy shit. His recorded instructions lead you through the old school facility with some hilarity. Eventually you return to Wheatly, kick his ass via lunar shenanigans, and return GLaDOS to her former self. Ya ya nerd purest. I left some details out. Can't spoil everything after all.

Gameplay is enhanced with goo. Specifically goo that increases your speed, is bouncy, or smears surfaces white for portal usage. There is also gravity tread mills and light bridges that can act like shields. Add to this the portal gun, and you have a fantastic variety of puzzle based entertainment.

Not impressed? Well how about co-op! That's right. P-body and Atlas are on the case. They do GLaDOS's biding, solve puzzles, and annoy said GLaDOS with human mannerisms. To enjoy this feature I highly recommend starting with a rookie from the get go. Nothing worse then being dragged through a game by someone who's been there before.

Portal 2 is an excellent game. All signs point to Full Price! Yet I'm hesitant to recommend such a purchase. Yes free DLC is on the way, but the puzzles loose their entertainment value quickly. Already knowing the answer to the test hinders the joy found in the journey. Snerts Snazzy Score is On Sale!

Potty-mouth

Game: Bulletstrom

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: February 2011

Warning: The following contains an obscene amount of curse words. Previously, I've typed the occasional fuck, but for fucks sake this is a lot of fucking curse words. I apologize to any of my loyal readers who may be offended--fucking wankers.

Dick, shit, cock, fuck, ass, balls pretty much sums up Bulletstorm. It's an homage to my childhood days of immature jokes and hours of first-peni...errr...person shooters. 

Epic roles out a game reaming with ridiculous kills and Big Fucking Gun's. Every gun has an alt fire overkill mode which adds some flair to your standard arsenal. My favorite toy was the Flail Gun. Take two grenades and connect them with a chain. Load into the launcher, aim, and fire. Before you know bad guys are hopping mad before they go boom. Another weapon is a drill-spear gun that impales foes with ease and twirls them round and round like a fucking ferris wheel. 

If guns don't do it for ya, then try kicking grunts into cacti, or using the whip mechanic to throw them off a ledge. All the death variety serves a purpose. You score points for doing unique kills that unlock additional upgrades. The list was pretty long, and the gaming lords know I won't finish it. Still, I'm sure some completionist out there has. So kudos to that prick.

Driving the carnage is your stereotypical revenge/bromance. Mike...er..Gray Hunt and Ishi Sato are the last of their crew after a suicide attack by the former. He gave the orders to attack a really big ship because he was pissed drunk and pissed off. Apparently General Sarrano is a big asshole, and Gray is just the dick to fuck him for good. Ishi gets to become a border line psychotic cyborg, and the female role played by Trishka cements the fact that no one is gay--despite the copious use of the word "dick." Things go wrong, then right, then back to wrong, and before you know it everything is dead. Throw on a teaser for the next game and call it a day. 

Multiplayer sucks ass because EA hates renters. Those who want to experience Buletstorms MP must buy the game new to obtain a code. If you don't have this code, then you must pay to play. Honestly with so many quality FPS games out there--Halo Reach, Black Ops, MW2, L4D2, Battlefield--I hardly see the need to fork over more money. 

All things considered Bulletstorm is a fun game. I enjoyed the guns and the killing reward system. The plot wasn't the worse thing I've ever witnessed, nor was it amazing. The environments were dam gorgeous, but the enemies were boring bitches. The immature characters and dialog doesn't help the game either (nor does it help this review). It's just another additional to the FPS genre that few will probably care to play. Snerts Snazzy Score is Gamefly--especially for shooter fans. Rent, play, and get all those penis puns out of your system. 

Cowboys Rule

Game: Red Dead Redemption

System: Xbox 360, PS3

Release: May 2010

Red Dead Redemption is one of the best games I have played this year. Rockstar's team in San Diego does an excellent job. Their presentation of the dieing American West is unique and surprisingly accurate. The influences from older Western movies is obvious, but the solid writing, character development, and visuals set this game apart. There is also great multiplayer action, and zombie DLC to add on more hours of fun

Multiplayer is a blast. Players begin in a Free Roam session with a mule and a six shooter. Team up with other players, by making a posse, to take on objective missions. There are also team based games, but if you want to be a dick, you can just shoot anyone who looks at you funny. Collect money to unlock better equipment and other goodies. I didn't play as much MP as I did SP, but what I did experience was very reminiscent to Diablo II. Meet up and kill enemy AI. Just no loot or wizards.

Single player was dominated by strong writing, beautiful landscapes, and the lasso. The writing developed fascinating characters, and the plot was unique to the video game industry. Players take on the role of John Marston. He used to be a Robin Hood of sorts. A member of a gang that supposedly robbed from the rich to give to the poor. Well some of the other members went crazy. John tried to run away and start anew, but that darn pesky no good Federal Government decided to make a reunion of sorts. They kidnapped his family, and blackmailed him into killing his former gang. Now John does what these bastards ask, but in the end...well I don't want to spoil it.

Gameplay is what you would expect from a Rockstar game. The cover system works very similar to that of GTA IV. Horses handle different then cars, and there are fun things like bullet time and lassos. The former is overpowered. There is so much time to line up dozens of shots in bullet time that it almost seems unfair to the poor stupid AI. The lasso is my favorite weapon. Run up to anyone you want. On foot or on horse lasso that mofo and drag them through the streets. Hogtie criminals that rob stores to watch the owners kick the crap out of them. The lasso put more smiles on this face then any other aspect of Red Dead.

The last thing worth mentioning are the eye popping visuals. The character models are not much better then the GTA's, but the landscape is fantastic. Huge vast spaces to explore. Mountains, rivers, plants, animals, the stars, and the moon will keep you wandering around this game world for hours. There were some minor visual issues with level of detail popping and the occasional horse impersonating an ostrich. Unfortunately with a game this large it appears such issues are an industry norm.

Many have dubbed this epic cowboy adventure as a mere GTA clone. They are absolutely positively correct. The brilliant part is the game feels different then any of the GTA games. Horses, lassos, and an bullet time ad just enough gameplay elements to make it few new. The fantastic writing and change in scenery produce an entire different world to explore that seems vastly larger then any city. Red Dead Redemption will keep you entertained for months on end. Multiplyaer, DLC, and a solid 15 hour single player campaign is worth the Full Price of admission. Now go on out there partner and rustle up some fun.

I'm a Jumper Not a Fighter

Game: Prince of Persia

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: December 2008


Prince of Persia is a franchise that dates back to 1989. A successful reboot of the series was accomplished by Ubisoft in 2003 with Sands of Time. That fantastic game is one of the best experiences available on the original Xbox, and Ubisoft has been attempting to capture that magic with a slew of crappy sequels.

Each Prince of Persia has the same set up. The main character is a prince with amazing acrobatic abilities. This triple AAA protagonist always seems to find himself in deadly scenarios that may or may not involve a female side kick, time manipulation, and magical villains. He will generally jump, skip, and stab his way through each adventure. The plot will either be brilliant yet generic or simply ridiculous.

The 2008 Prince of Persia (there has been a more recent release and movie earlier this year) attempts to reboot the series once more. The Prince finds himself lost in a desert. Surprise surprise a damsel in distress appears named Elika. He rescues her from some attackers, and discovers that she has magical powers. Elika pleads her case and seeks aide in restoring her kingdom that has been taken over by “the corruption.” A handful of jumps, skips, and stabs later the game ends.

I could go on about the crappy plot. How you never really care about anything, and just push on to jump and skip (stabbing is boring) to the next piece of beautiful landscape. Or how Elika shows a range of emotion akin to a fourteen year old drama queen. Or how I have never seen anything remotely close to Persian culture in regards to the characters. I could go on about all that, but that would just be silly.

Gameplay is where the fun is for Prince of Persia. Like Sands of Time the Prince performs a variety of acrobatic moves to navigate through deadly traps. Instead of time manipulation Elika provides a magical safety net to ensure the Prince never dies. This allows players to continue playing. A novel concept for video games. The designers knew that people would fail to make a particular jump so they put in a system to instantly warp them to a checkpoint. No load screens is a huge plus for any game, but especially for a tittle that is dependent on a smooth constant tempo.

Level design is what I would expect from the franchise. The Prince goes up. He goes down. He slides, dives, wall runs, and swings his way about. The graphical presentation is eye popping in a gorgeous cell shaded style. Levels are a bit more repetitive then other Prince of Persia games because of the overall path design. Players can go to any area from the start, which results in a bland difficulty curve. Rising action/challenge would have suited this game better.

Combat is not the strongest point for any Prince of Persia game, and the 2008 addition manages to be even more bland then past releases. You cannot die so no enemy is ever threatening. The combos are entertaining at first, but get old fast. Low level enemies have too little health, and boss fights drag on too long. Fighting is the most boring aspect of this game. Hardcore fans of the hack/slash genre are sure to be disappointed.

Prince of Persia is not a bad game, but does fall under that “Thank Goodness for Gamefly” category. Fans of the series and platforming will enjoy another adventure with the prince of jumps, skips, and stabs--even if the stabs are lackluster. Combat is boring, and the story stinks. Yet the presentations is stylistic and beautiful. The pacing is excellent thanks to the absence of load screens, and exploring this fantasy world is it’s own reward. Snerts Snazzy Score grants the 2008 Prince of Persia a 3.5 out of 5.

Late to the Fallout 3 Party

Game: Fallout 3

System: PS3, Xbox 360, PC

Release: October 2008


Fallout 3 is a great video game. Anyone who is a fan of the FPS or RPG genre will enjoy themselves. The game has been out for about two years. It has won many awards, and there are a ton of DLC packs. I'm not going to bother typing out words to praise the game further. Snerts Snazzy Score is a 5 out of 5, but I do have one complaint.

*Spoiler Alert:

Two of the best features Fallout 3 has to offer are story and immersion. You start off in your mothers womb, and finish following in your fathers footsteps (for those goodie goodies out there). The game world is huge, and I spent countless hours just exploring. In the end you have the cliche choice to sacrifice yourself, or convince someone else to do the deathly deed.

To purify post apocalyptic D.C.'s toxic water supply, save the lives of your comrades, and be an all round good dude you must enter a room containing lethal amounts of radiation. No matter what you do this act will kill you. I wouldn't have a problem with this deed if I wasn't traveling with a companion who could have withstood the radiation.
A few missions prior an intelligent Super Mutant named Fawkes aides you in a primary quest. The player is later given the option to have Fawkes accompany you on your journey. Fawkes is immune to radiation. If you do not have the DLC pack Brotherhood Steel, then you will not be able to convince Fawke to enter the radiated room.

This did not make sense, and ruined the ending of an otherwise fantastic story.

Doing What Vikings Do Best...Conquer!

Game: Viking Battle for Asgard

System: Xbox 360, PS3

Release: March 2008



Viking: Battle for Asgard is a game found in bargain bins priced under twenty bucks American. It did not sell well, and probably flew under the radar for many gamers. Now during the summer lull is a perfect time to revisit this open world hack n' slash game. It's cheap, and there is plenty of fun to be had.

Viking embraces Norse mythology for the setting and plot. The gods of Asgard are bickering, and of course mortals have to pay. The goddess Hel is pissed about her banishment. She raises an army of demons, and threatens to unleash the ancient god Fenrir. Why Fenrir? Cause he will bring about the apocalypse, or Ragnarok, that destroys Asgard.

Freya, the goddess of war, selects the main character Skarin as her mortal champion. Skarin's only desire is to be allowed entrance into Valhalla. (SPOILER) He defeats the Hel and her armies saving both mortal and god. Freya still denies his wish so Skarin unleashes Fenrir. Don't fuck with Skarin.

Ya I know. The story sounds as exciting as a moose pissing against the wind. The pacing and gameplay are what keeps this game going. Skarin must free three islands from the clutches of Hel. Each island follows a similar pattern. Build an army by freeing viking warriors at key locations. Along the way you collect gold, learn new abilities, and summon a dragon. In addition to raising an army each island has a stealth section, a tower to capture, and a large patrol to ambush.

When the army is ready you invade a fortified location. During this segment players charge into battle to take out key enemies and capture objective points. The dragons act as artillery fire, and can be used after collecting dragon ruins. Ruins are rewarded when the player kills giants or completes objectives. Once all the forts are conquered Skarin moves onto the next island.

Skarin controls like a bulky buff viking. He makes strong blows that hack off limbs. He has combos, counters, and magic. Special melee moves take a certain amount of stars to activate. Stars are unlocked by successfully hitting any enemy. The magic consists of fire, lightening, and ice. Just like every other game fire burns, lightening shocks, and ice freezes. Skarin can also share his magic with near by soldiers, which can be devastating during the large army campaigns.
Viking is nothing like the top hack/slash tittles (God of War, Ninja Gaiden, Bayonetta). The quick time events lack polish animation and suffers from camera jitters. I saw too often axes slamming into thin air instead of the flesh of my enemies. The sound quality is terrible. The frame rate suffers during large battles. Skarin is slow to block, and the dodge/counter move may suffer depending on the topography. The timing for combos is wonky at best, and the auto lock jumps from target to target way to easily. These annoyances, are just that, annoying. You'll find yourself displeased, but the fun factor is not diminished significantly.

Viking: Battle for Asgard is a great rental or cheap buy. It's everything that Yahtzee wanted Brutal Legend to be. An open world hack n' slash game with large armies and great visuals with no RTS features. The gameplay isn't perfect, but it's fun enough to tolerate. Same could be said for the story. There are crazy vikings, huge battles, magic, and dragons. That spells fun to Snerts, and my Snazzy Score is 3.8 out of 5.

Aliens, Predators, and Marines = Trifecta of Lame

Game: Aliens vs. Predator

System: PC, PS3, Xbox 360

Release: February 2010

Two movies captured the hearts and minds of sci-fi lovers everywhere in the 1980s without using light sabers, time travel, or Klingons. Yes I'm talking about Aliens (the second one of course) and Predator. Both these movies were very entertaining and successful, which lead to a host of crappy sequels. Eventually both series were so desperate for more films they combined the franchises into Predator vs. Aliens. This would then lead to crappy video games.

AvP has three main groups. Marines, Predators, and Aliens. Each have intertwining stories, and each have their own unique gameplay. The Marines are your typical soldier from any FPS. You are the rookie. Everyone tells you what to do, and for some reason your the only one capable of getting it done. Inserts evil corporation, guns from the Alien movies, and the usual dialogue “Oh Shit their everywhere!” to complete the package.

The Predator campaign presents the most options aka tools of destruction. All the famous weapons are present along with stealth abilities. I defiantly felt like a Predator throughout the campaign. Fighting both Aliens and Marines is remarkably different compared to the repetitive nature of the Marine and Alien sections. You also get the cool finishing moves as a Predator that reminded me of Mortal Kombat fatalities.

Story wise nothing really made sense. The Predator character is a rookie—sigh—who plays archaeologists on earth. Like all Predators they enter an area kill all life. Then to be sure everything is dead they detonate a WMD. Who needs a motive? Not Mr. Predator.

The Alien campaign is the shortest. The plot is pretty straight forward and boring. You are an Alien branded with the #6—oooooohhhhhhh. You escape. Gasp! And are contacted by your queen so she can give you objectives! Shocker! Eventually the queen dies and you replace her. The cycle of life continues!

The Alien gameplay experience is disorienting yet fun. You can cling to any surface. Swing the Aliens deadly tale, and you climb through vents like a pro. Like the Predator you get cool fatalities and plenty of Marines to disembowel. Unfortunately there are no upgrades to your abilities and objectives are simplistic. This campaign gets boring and repetitive fast.

Whenever I hear the term Predator I think of two things. Corny Arnold impersonations by drunken friends, and bad ass aliens who's only purpose in life is to “hunt” things. Apparently “hunt” is Predator slang for disembowel, dismember, or decapitate. When I hear “Alien” a host of thoughts occur because everything is a fucking alien. Just ask the folks in Arizona. Aliens vs. Predator brings about memories of crappy plot and not enough space sentient action.

The most recent video game continues that trend flawlessly. Fans of the series will enjoy the game. The rest of us will experience a mediocre FPS that fails to improve upon a ten year old system. AvP is a renter at best, and it's popularity is apparent by its lack of any significant MP community. Snerts Snazzy Score grants Aliens vs. Predator a 3.8 out of 5.

Heavenly Sword

Heavenly Sword is the perfect game to play if you love God of War I & II, and need something new to play before God of War III. The combat is smooth and fairly unique. The cinematic visual quality is fantastic. Acting is top notch, and the story isn’t half bad. In fact I’m going to get the negatives out of the way early so I can just keep on praising this game. Playing through the game takes about six hours, and the enemies are not challenging or diverse.

Players take on the role of Nariko. She is the daughter of Shen—the leader of the clan that protects the Heavenly Sword. There clan is under attack by King Bohan. He is the evil king overlord who has conquered all of the other clans in the region. Nariko doesn’t want dear old daddy, or her lovable adopted sister Kai to become slaves of Bohan. During the final siege she becomes desperate and wields the Heavenly Sword. This sword grants her the power of the gods, but kills her in about five days. The game begins at this moment where Nariko first kills with the Heavenly Sword and ends with her death.

So what makes a sword heavenly? Is it a relic of some ancient deity who performed amazing feats of valor? Did Kratos get with Nariko, and decided she was worthy of a parting gift? Is it just really really shiny? The Heavenly Sword is three weapons in one. The light attacks turn the weapon into chains with blades on the ends. This produces a whirl wind like effect that can easily hit multiple enemies at once. The medium attacks utilize two halves of the sword that combine into a large single blade for the heavy attacks. Switching between weapons is simple and allows players to easily pull off combos using all three forms of the Heavenly Sword. It was very satisfying to charge an army of people, stun the immediate circle with a quick light attack, and then target a few weaklings with a devastating heavy attack.

The combat gets even deeper with finishing moves, aerial attacks, counters, and a slew of objects to throw at enemies. When Nariko scores enough kills she can perform a devastating finishing move that can instantly kill numerous enemies. These moves have three levels of intensity and vary between light, medium, and heavy attacks. Aerial attacks are not as destructive as the finishing moves, but they add nice variety to the games combat. The counter system is simplistic yet effective. Nariko blocks when she is not on the offensive, and players can counter enemies by pressing an attack button immediately after blocking an attack. The mini-cut scenes that ensue are very appealing and differ between the three forms of the Heavenly Sword.

Throughout her journey Nariko will kill many men. Luckily it was all in self defense, and every one who does die at her hands leaves a present. Nariko can pick up fallen weapons, bodies, shields, and hats. Hell she can even fire large cannons and crossbows. Why would she want to do this? Well it turns out she has a wicked arm, and when ever Nariko (or Kai) uses a projectile they can slow down time to accurately aim the death device. This feature is utilized in numerous segments that range from simple puzzles to defending a castle under siege by Bohan’s armies. This feature is annoying at first because it relies on the six-axis controller feature of the PS3, but once that feature is deactivated players can use the analog sticks for better precision.


So after reviewing the fantastic depth and variety of the combat system I have concluded that a sword is heavenly if it makes you a super bad ass. Supreme power, however, is not the only thing that Heavenly Sword offers. In her quest Nariko will travel through snowy mountains, lush forests, and sprawling cities. The visuals are gorgeously epic. The story is also well done. Voice attacking by such talent as Andy Serkis (King Bohan) and Anna Tov (Nariko), combined with amazing motion capture cinematics, make each cut scene engaging as well as appealing. Finally, the boss encounters are unique and entertaining. This is really surprising given the lack of variety for the average solider. Each boss fight is a combination of quick time events and open combat. They all end differently, and I was especially pleased with the ending of the Flying Fox.

Heavenly Sword has everything that a gamer could want in an action packed hack and slash adventure. There are beautiful women and environments. Boss fights are extremely satisfying, and is complimented by a well thought out, diverse, and fluid combat system. The story is presented through high quality cut scenes, and great voice acting. The game is epically fun. If it was only a bit longer, then it would have received a perfect score. A 4.8 out of 5, however, is nothing to be ashamed of.