One Box to Rule Them All

Today Microsoft revealed the new Xbox console to be released later this year. Called Xbox One, the system is striving for dominance in the living room of tomorrow.

Reminiscent of an old VHS player, the physical look of the new machine is unimpressive. That said, the first Xbox was also a giant box, and that didn't stop me from enjoying some excellent games. What's under the hood is more important.

Xbox One is definitely an upgrade from the Xbox 360. The RAM goes from 512 MB to 8 GB. Standard hard disk drive goes from 20 to 500 GB. Cloud software is no longer just for saving. With the new system cloud computing can take over some of the processing power. This will allow developers to create larger multiplayer matches thanks to the dedicated servers. Currently the average game allows 16 to 32 players, but with the upgrade, games will be able to reach up to 128 players. Cloud computing will also allow players to access their achievements and installed games from whatever console they sign in on. No more memory cards, or person-to-person MP, thanks to this new tech.

Xbox One features a built in wi-fi adapter and a blu-ray player. This doesn't seem like much for PS3 owners, but for Xbox fans it's a welcomed addition. There is no backwards compatibility, and for the most part the controller is the same. The system is also extremely quite compared to previous consoles.

The Kinect is now a standard feature, and has received a significant update to its capabilities. The new camera is 1080p, and captures video at 60 frames per second. The motion based system can now detect your entire body with greater ease, measure your heart rate, and voice commands run everything and anything the console has to offer. Interestingly the controller wasn't even apart of the main demonstration today. The speakers utilized Kinect and smartphones to navigate through the presentation.

Overall the hardware upgrades seem decent enough. I would have liked more RAM, and an HDD seems out of date compared to the SSD tech seen in today's PCs. The lack of backwards compatibility is a shame. The Kinect seems to have improved, but without personally testing the device I can't say for sure. (Past experience with the 360 version has left me unimpressed.) Cloud computing is a welcomed addition, yet I wonder how long the dedicated servers will remain open. The beauty of peer-to-peer system is the game lives on as long as there is another person to play with or against. Will Microsoft go the EA route, and shutdown servers a few years after a game is released?

Microsoft is definitely taking a page from EA in regards to used, and rented, games. All Xbox One games will have to be installed onto the hard drive. Once installed the game links to your Xbox Live account. If you want to play the game on another Xbox One, then you will have to pay a fee for the second install. No more going to a friends house with your game to play on their console. Hell, you can't even play the same game, in the same house, on two separate systems. This seems terrible to a person who grew up sharing games with friends and siblings.

GameFly and GameStop are in for some changes as this "feature" will directly effect their businesses. Are you willing to pay an extra fee, on top of the costs of the used game, to play? How will game rental business continue to operate? These are questions that will have to be answered as more information is revealed about Xbox One.

Besides the hardware, the main focus of today's unveiling was to showcase Microsoft's ambitions to dominate your living room. Need to make a phone call? Use Skype on Xbox One. Want to watch TV? Give a verbal command, and Kinect will switch to your cable box. Need to check out your fantasy team stats? Don't bother with the tablet. Use the "Snap In" feature to simultaneously surf the web while watching ESPN.

The "Snap In" idea is really neat, but anyone used to a PC will probably produce a patronizing sigh. The Xbox One basically allows you to have two working windows at once. Taking a phone call on your TV may also take some getting used to, and I wonder how clear the communication is when the Kinect is across the living room. Finally switching between cable television, and your game console, can be done today with the TV remote. It's called the "input" button.

Not many games were showcased today, but this is no surprise with E3 right around the corner. Of course EA came on stage to hype up the same sports titles gamers have seen since the Sega/SNES days. Also, Call of Duty: Ghost was featured. None of the videos showed significant gameplay, and mostly touted the tech behind the game. Am I suppose to be excited for fish with AI and a dog, or that new physics engine for sports titles? Cause I'm not.


Microsoft has a long ways to go before I start pinching pennies for an Xbox One. The new features showcased today didn't produce any "wow" factor, and I'm concerned with some of the upcoming changes. Perhaps my opinion will change once more games are hyped at E3, or maybe it's time for me to start looking at the PS4. 

Zombie Action-Galaxy 3

Game: Dead Space 3

Systems: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: January 2013

Issac Clark and company are back for another space zombie adventure. Unfortunately fans of the first two games may be disappointed with the latest installment. The franchise has shifted heavily towards the action genre. Gone are the horror soaked atmospheres and schizophrenic hallucinations of old. Instead players are given shootouts, explosions, and the worst story of the series.

Dead Space 3 is not a bad game. The mechanics are solid. The new weapon building system is intriguing, and co-op is always fun in my book. Sound and graphics are top notch. Yet looking past all the polish fans will notice something is missing. The core that defined this franchise has been replaced with something foreign.

Starting with the story. The Dead Space universe consists of two major organizations Earth Gov and the crazed religious cult Unitologists. In the latest game the Unitologists have taken over releasing Markers (the items that creates the Necromorphs aka space zombies) all across the galaxy. Earth Gov is pretty much non-existent, and Markers are now more common then 7-Eleven's.

Unlike the last few games there is no mystery. No back and forth between government officials and cult members. The story moves from one explosion to the next while pushing a terrible love triangle peppered with a dash of bromance.

Ellie makes a return, and Issac's dead wife seems to be finally gone. Ellie and Issac have a romantic past, but she is currently seeing a solider named Norton. Of course Norton and Issac are butt hurt that Ellie has slept with more then one dude. The whole situation is like a bad soap opera.

The other characters are only around to spit out tech jargon, and provide Issac with additional tasks. Laughter spewed forth whenever one of them inevitably died because Issac acted like he cared so deeply for each of them. With the exception of Ellie, Issac just meet the entire cast. Hard to believe he'd be all choked up after all the shit he's been through. The bad acting doesn't help either. I felt like I was watching the South Park episode "Lice Capades".

Carver (another solider who is the second playable character in co-op) is probably my favorite , but even he has the most random lines. Towards the end of the game he asks Issac, "Does this make up for all the bad that I've done?" Uh, I guess? Who cares. There's more space zombies to shoot.

The co-op is actually really fun, but again it doesn't feel like Dead Space. Going around with your buddy makes you feel less vulnerable. You go from Ripley to a pair of Rambo's. Your inventory is saved/used for all modes i.e. it's the same no matter who's game your in. This makes it easy to collect a lot of supplies, which also hinders the whole survival horror aspect.

Additionally, the third game lacks any real mental struggles. The random schizophrenic hallucinations seen in the other tittles helped with the pacing and kept things interesting. Issac was going bat shit crazy in the past, but this time around he seems like a depressed loser. A glorified Mr. Fix-it who's out to save the universe because his ex-girlfriend asked him to.

If you can get past the terrible story, and don't care for the franchises survival horror aspect, then Dead Space 3 maybe right for you. Crafting weapons is pretty rad. One of my favorites is the rivet sub-machine gun connected to a device that hovers spinning buzz saws in front of you. The action segments are not as memorable as the other games, but they are fun. Co-op is also a neat addition to the franchise. All in all Dead Space 3 has a lot to offer despite its short comings, and continues to be one of my favorite series from Electronic Arts.

Nerd Rage a'la Videogames

An aspect of life is competition. Economics, politics, mother nature, and sports are just a few examples that readily illustrate this concept. It should be no surprise that competition flourishes amongst the videogame industry and its community.

Below are a handful of my favorite rivalries--the brother of competition.

PC                    &              Console

Mario (SNES)                   &               Sonic (Genesis)

        Half-Life 2                 &                      Halo 2   

        Activison             &            Electronic Arts 

All of the above have seen its fair share of senseless shit talk. A couple decades ago I would argue with friends--the fleshy non-Facebook type--about the merits of owning a Sega Genesis console over the Super NES. I would brag about the systems line up, and how the graphics were obviously superior. As I grew older I began to realize that everyone has different tastes, and such discussions are rarely relevant to the grand scheme of things. Still, I'd find myself sucked into the occasional pointless discussion about which game/system is "better."

As the years went by the arguments evolved, and with the aide of the internet they rapidly expanded. Now anyone and everyone, including me, will lay down their side of the argument without the repercussions of face to face interactions. This wouldn't be an issue if internet comments were overwhelmingly level headed, well thought out, tidbits of communication. Unfortunately the opposite seems to be more prevalent. (Of course I'm an exception to this trend.)

The most recent example in the videogame community can be found on the website Metacritic. The average Metacritic score for Modern Warfare 3 is 89 out of 100, and the user score is 3.1 out of 10. A couple days ago it was 90 and 2.3 respectively. Now check out Battlefield 3, and you'll notice a similarity. Each franchise shows a dedicated fan base that seems hell bent on verbally sabotaging the other.

Reading the user review comments are simultaneously enlightening and disturbing. By the time my tolerance gave out a few interesting observations came to mind. Gamers still love rivalries and competition, and will go to great lengths to prove their personal tastes are the best thing ever. Their cyberspace rants can be fantastically ridiculous. At the same time I find it sadly pathetic that a number of people would rather read/write internet comments then actually research the topic at hand.

Hawthrone wrote, "Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty." Contributions to a discussion, that you find important, should never boil down to irrelevant dribble. Such rhetoric cheapens an already poor discussion. Yet in so many segments of our lives this ends up being the case.

Battlefield...Fuck Ya!

Game: Battlefield 3

System: PC, PS3, Xbox 360

Release: October 2011

Battlefield 3 is an excellent single player experience. I'd write about the multiplayer and co-op, but EA denies free access to this content if you do not purchase a new copy. I sincerely hope this policy backfires on EA. Odds are if you rent or buy used, you don't have a ton of cash to be spending on games. How likely is the consumer to purchase on-line access to one game? Especially when Modern Warfare 3 is about to be released. 

Gamefly, however, appears to be working on the issue and is offering free on-line passes. According to an email I received the code should be arriving within the week. 

Any who, as I was saying, BF3 is a great single player experience. The games plot feels like a blend of Black Ops and Modern Warfare, but the gameplay is a more realistic approach not found in Call of Duty. The franchise continues to provide insane combat scenarios featuring a variety of vehicles. There is a fighter jet and tank segment that are like nothing I've ever seen in a first-person shooter. The graphics are top notch, and the gameplay is much smoother then the Bad Company games. EA and DICE vividly illustrate that Call of Duty is not the only military shooter worth playing. 

The main protagonist is a Sgt. Blackburn, but players will take on the roles of other characters throughout the campaign. B.burn is introduced to us under arrest which sets up the basic flashback plot device--see Black Ops. As he's interrogated the pieces slowly come together. Nukes end up missing, commands are questioned, unlikely allies are made, and it all ends on a train to Time Square. 

Warning Spoilers Ahead....

BF3 has many impressive cinematic moments that build upon the classic Modern Warfare death scene. A solider from the tank campaign is captured and executed. Players witness the atrocity from the perspective of the captive. The bright light blinds you from behind the camera as your head is forced back before the knife slits your throat. Later B.burn comes across the room where the US soldier was executed. The whole sequence of events is very entertaining, and more detailed then what I've seen in the Call of Duty franchise. 

The other two segments worth mentioning are the levels set in France and New York. Playing as a Russian you storm through the streets of Paris in an attempt to find a bomb. The level weaves you around populated streets, and the action is very intense. The developers did an excellent job capturing the thrill of the chase. Sure having a nuke go off is cliche at this point, but it was well done and made since within the game. 

The same can be said in regards to the New York level. You are chasing the villains starting on foot, then on a train, and finally in a car. Fantastic! This time around the cliche is saving the day--looks like Paris is the only city to be nuked. Add to these cinematic moments the vehicles segments, and you have the top of line military shooter. (Of course that all can change next week with the release of Modern Warfare 3.)

BF3 has everything you could possibly want from a first person shooter. There are awesome vehicles, intense battles, a great single player, and a host of multiplayer modes. Snerts Snazzy Score is Full Price! for fans of the series, and On Sale! for shooter aficionados.

Potty-mouth

Game: Bulletstrom

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: February 2011

Warning: The following contains an obscene amount of curse words. Previously, I've typed the occasional fuck, but for fucks sake this is a lot of fucking curse words. I apologize to any of my loyal readers who may be offended--fucking wankers.

Dick, shit, cock, fuck, ass, balls pretty much sums up Bulletstorm. It's an homage to my childhood days of immature jokes and hours of first-peni...errr...person shooters. 

Epic roles out a game reaming with ridiculous kills and Big Fucking Gun's. Every gun has an alt fire overkill mode which adds some flair to your standard arsenal. My favorite toy was the Flail Gun. Take two grenades and connect them with a chain. Load into the launcher, aim, and fire. Before you know bad guys are hopping mad before they go boom. Another weapon is a drill-spear gun that impales foes with ease and twirls them round and round like a fucking ferris wheel. 

If guns don't do it for ya, then try kicking grunts into cacti, or using the whip mechanic to throw them off a ledge. All the death variety serves a purpose. You score points for doing unique kills that unlock additional upgrades. The list was pretty long, and the gaming lords know I won't finish it. Still, I'm sure some completionist out there has. So kudos to that prick.

Driving the carnage is your stereotypical revenge/bromance. Mike...er..Gray Hunt and Ishi Sato are the last of their crew after a suicide attack by the former. He gave the orders to attack a really big ship because he was pissed drunk and pissed off. Apparently General Sarrano is a big asshole, and Gray is just the dick to fuck him for good. Ishi gets to become a border line psychotic cyborg, and the female role played by Trishka cements the fact that no one is gay--despite the copious use of the word "dick." Things go wrong, then right, then back to wrong, and before you know it everything is dead. Throw on a teaser for the next game and call it a day. 

Multiplayer sucks ass because EA hates renters. Those who want to experience Buletstorms MP must buy the game new to obtain a code. If you don't have this code, then you must pay to play. Honestly with so many quality FPS games out there--Halo Reach, Black Ops, MW2, L4D2, Battlefield--I hardly see the need to fork over more money. 

All things considered Bulletstorm is a fun game. I enjoyed the guns and the killing reward system. The plot wasn't the worse thing I've ever witnessed, nor was it amazing. The environments were dam gorgeous, but the enemies were boring bitches. The immature characters and dialog doesn't help the game either (nor does it help this review). It's just another additional to the FPS genre that few will probably care to play. Snerts Snazzy Score is Gamefly--especially for shooter fans. Rent, play, and get all those penis puns out of your system. 

Call of Battlefield: Bad Duty 2

Game: Battlefield Bad Company 2

System: PC, Xbox 360, PS3

Release: March 2010



The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming! Hide for the hills because the Russians are coming!

Here we go again. A rag tag team of misfits take on a special ops mission that can turn the tide of the Russian Invasion. Along the way they are double crossed (bum bum baaaaa), and some friends are lost (nooooooo not the hippie). In the end, however, they save the day by watching each others back and making the player do all the work. The U.S. General comes out of left field (literally), and tells you "The Russians are coming. Through Alaska." Looks like we'll get another Bad Company game (shockingly disappointed).

The single player experience is pretty much the same as the first game. The characters fulfill their stereotypes. Some cool action occurs. A few areas will kill you over and over again. Nothing too exciting here, but a decent FPS experience.

Multiplayer is the bread and butter for the Battlefield series. There is everything you would expect. A limited number of maps, but each one is gigantic. Vehicles with horrible handling. Sniping and explosions. Oh and a melee systems that is unresponsive. Add to this mix destructible environments and you have a very unique package. There is also a leveling system that is used to unlock new weapons and equipment. Halo and CoD do not have destructible environments, and I believe that is one of the reasons this game has an on-line following.

The Battlefield series has been around for along time. It is known for large maps, vehicles, and sniping. The Bad Company series added destructible environments to the mix. There is a decent on-line following, but don't expect to be in full games on the five maps. The single player is action packed, and contains some humor. It is also boring, filled with cheap deaths, and the plot just keeps getting stupider. I'm not thrilled with the gameplay either. Everything feels clunky. This is yet another game I enjoyed only because I rented it from Gamefly. Snerts Snazzy Score grants Bad Company 2 a 4 out of 5.

Down Down Down the Ring of Fire

Game: Dante’s Inferno

System: Xbox 360 & PS3

Release: January 2010

Dante’s Inferno is a God of War clone and proud of it. God of War is an action adventure hack/slash. Kratos is the main character, and his travels take us through all the major sites of Greek mythology. The combat helped to define a genre by including quick time events during cinematics and a solid combo system. Besides his main weapon Kratos uses magic, and he would have to solve the occasional puzzle. Replace Kratos with Dante, and Greek myth with Christian myth and you have Dante’s Inferno.

Dante’s Inferno (DI) is loosely based on the historic poem of the same name, and follows Dante’s decent into hell to save his dearest Beatrice. Unlike the poem Dante is an Italian crusader returning from the third crusades lead by Richard the Lionheart. Richard is the king that Robin Hood loves, but that is an entirely different story. Dante was a bad boy during his tour in the holy land. To show off his sins he made a tapestry and stitched the fabric to his chest. Unfortunately his wife and father wouldn’t be able to see his new found body art. They were murdered in their home, and the killer finished the job by stabbing Dante in the back.

Anyone who has played video games knows death is a joke, and DI takes that concept to heart. Apparently Dante is a super bad ass. He steals the infamous Scythe and kills Death. Not sure how a universe is suppose to go on without death, but who am I to judge? Armed with an unholy weapon Dante begins his decent into hell to save Beatrice who apparently made a deal with the devil. She bet her soul that Dante would be a good Christian during the Crusade—hahaha stupid girl. Nine circles of hell, and some obvious sequel foreshadowing, Dante absolves his sins to save his love.

Combat in DI is very similar to God of War. Dante wields the scythe mentioned above and a holy cross from his beloved Beatrice. The cross is a projectile attack, and the scythe can perform light, heavy, and throw moves. Magic is discovered in the game world—just like in GoW—or can be learned by gaining experience to purchase upgrades. Four spells can be equipped at one time, and are crucial to surviving the more difficult encounters. Dante will also find relics that enhance a wide variety of abilities. There are so many good relics that players can really customize a play through by focusing more on magic, defensive, or offensive combat.

DI has another unique feature that is not found in God of War. The upgrade system is divided into two groups unholy and holy. To level up Dante can either Punish or Absolve enemies and famous historical figures found in hell. I did enjoy absolving Atilla the Hun and damming the Queen of Troy. Unfortunately there is little incentive to punish anyone after unlocking all the unholy moves. You get more experience from absolving via a minigame, and these xp hubs do not affect the main story.
The last few things worth mentioning about DI are the art design and frame rate. The entire game runs at an average of 60fps. That is fantastic for this genre and creates smooth combat experiences. The art design is also well done. The environments are detailed and eye catching. You will never forget that you are in hell, yet each level has a distinct theme. The gluttony level has Dante traveling through demonic digestive system with vicious worms and hungry fat asses that try to eat you. The greed area has liquid hot gold to torture the damned. Visually the average enemies are nothing too special, but the numerous bosses are a hoot. The boss in the Circle of Lust has tongues for nipples, and Lucifer has cock and balls. Oh and encase you cared Satan’s package has physics.

The main campaign will take about eight hours. After completing the game a new mode called the Gates of Hell is unlocked. This is a series of challenges that were previewed in the games demo. For people who do not own a PS3, and will never own God of War III, Dante’s Inferno may be a good buy. There is plenty of fun to be had, and the art design is very appealing. I am also a history major and I thought the game captured the brutality of the crusades well. For Xbox 360 owners I’d recommend buying the game but don’t pay full price. PS3 peeps should just wait for God of War III, which is coming out in March. Snerts Snazzy Score grants Dante’s Inferno a 4 out of 5.

Dead Space

Game: Dead Space

System: Xbox360, PS3, PC

Release: October 2008

Electronic Arts has taken numerous risks during 2008 on new intellectual properties (IP). One of these original games, Mirror’s Edge, received an impressive 4 out of 5. It provided an entertaining change of pace that attempted to bring acrobatic plat-forming to the first person perspective. Another new IP was Army of Two which failed miserably to deliver a new spin on the third person shooter. Sure the game had some strong points, but it can’t hold a candle to Gears of War. The last new IP, that I had a chance to play, was Dead Space; a solid survivor horror game that has won numerous awards for its sound and atmosphere. Out of all the new IP’s mentioned, Dead Space is arguably the most successful.

Dead Space provides an awesome single player experience despite having a rudimentary plot. The main character is a silent engineer named Isaac Clarke. He is on a repair mission with a small crew to help the USG Ishimura. This large mining ship “cracks” planets for precious metals, but has mysteriously fallen silent—much like the protagonist. To add a personal touch Isaac’s significant other is on the beleaguered ship. Of course the docking procedure goes horribly wrong, nasty alien creatures attack, and the fight for survival begins.
The story is just strong enough to push you through to the next level. The gameplay and atmosphere, however, are solid. Isaac’s slow movements match his somewhat heavy appearance. Conversely the enemies are fast and vicious. This sets an awesome tone for the overall feel of the game. There are also numerous sections where you are in a total vacuum, and the change in sound creates an extremely believable experience. Other areas have no gravity, and players get to jump from wall to wall to complete objectives. Even one of the epic boss fights takes place in zero gravity creating an intense and memorable experience. This game goes out of its way to ensure that players will never forget that they are on a cursed space ship.

To maintain the immersion the UI is presented through a series of in-game holograms. The visual appeal of this interface is fantastic, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see it employed in other games. Weapons are diverse, and like most survival horror games supplies are limited. Adding to the suspense, and utilizing the alt fire feature, is the use of severing limbs to quickly take down enemies. Throw in a telekinesis ability for moving objects, and a stasis technique for some crowd control, and you have Dead Space’s gameplay in a nutshell.

Dead Space does an excellent job providing an intense sci-fi horror experience. The plot is generic, but the overall presentation is spectacular. The boss fights are epic, the zero gravity and vacuum sections are a blast, and UI is simply wonderful. Replay value is driven with second play-throughs where players keep power ups from a previously completed game. Snerts Snazzy Score grants Dead Space 4.9 out of 5.

Lord of the Rings: Conquest

Game: Lord of the Rings: Conquest

Systems: PS3, Xbox 360, PC

Release: January 2009


Lord of the Rings: Conquest is the second game to bare my name in the credits. Mercenaries 2 was the first, and received a 3.8 out of 5. Will LOTR: Conquest score higher? Can I deliver another unbiased review? Will anyone actually read this blog? Find out more…right now!

LOTR: Conquest is the spiritual successor to the Star Wars: Battlefront series. When this was first revealed I was skeptical. How would a sci-fi third person shooter translate to the land of swords, arrows, and magic? Battlefront is a shooter with a multiplayer focus. There are classes, heroes, and tons of vehicles to wage war with across the galaxy. Conquest offers the same package with the Lord of the Rings universe. Just replace a galaxy far far away with Middle Earth, AT-AT with Ent, and you’ll start to get the idea.

The main differences between Battlefront and Conquest are the classes themselves. Battlefront is full of gun based classes where Conquest offers the Warrior, Mage, Scout, and Archer. All classes can take advantage of Trolls, Ents, and mounts scattered across specific levels.

Warriors are the powerhouses of melee combat. They are deadly up close, but lack any significant range attacks. Mastering this class involves knowing how to close the gap quickly. Mages are the most diverse class in the game. Their defensive abilities include healing and a bubble that protects allies from all projectiles. Offensively they can cast a 360 knockback (called You Shall Not Pass), chain lightening, and a fireball that becomes a circle on impact.
All this power means the Mage is weak against attacking melee classes, and can be taken out fast by archers when the bubble shield is not up. Archers will be the easiest class to pick up for Battlefront veterans. Multi shot, poison, and fire arrows are the tools of the trade. Aim for the head to get a one shoot fire arrow kill. Scouts are the other melee class, and have stealth abilities. This is a powerful ability that is enhanced with a back-stab move that kills foes instantly. Pandemic did a good job ensuring that the classes were well balanced, and once the learning curve is conquered the game illustrates surprising depth.

Well the classes sound very nice and fancy, but how do they play? Gameplay for Conquest is clunky in general—unlike the ultra smooth combat of say Ninja Gaiden II. Users are unable to interrupt an animation once it has begun. This means you will not be able stop that sword swing to block. The combat system also has some interesting features in regards to dominate animations. If two Mages cast the You Shall Not Pass spell, then whoever cast the spell first will be knockback. Both players will be damaged, but only one will be affected by the knockback. Jump attacks are utterly useless, and Ents/Trolls can out heal the damage per second of mages and archers. Melee classes, conversely, enter a tacked on quick time event that can take down a giant in two hits. No doubt some of these limitations are a result of the multiplayer features. None the less, the clunky gameplay will defiantly deter some gamers.

Conquest offers players two campaigns, and three game modes for sixteen player multiplayer action. The campaign is divided between Good and Evil. The former must be completed first to unlock the later, and both support coop. Players start off in Helm’s Deep and end up in front of the Black Gate in eight semi-epic confrontations. The Good campaign holds few surprises, but fans of the movies will defiantly enjoy the ride. The Evil campaign, however, presents an alternate story in another eight missions. The first involves Frodo submitting to the power of the ring, and the Nazgul actually kill him! After that Saruon is reborn and goes General Sherman on Middle Earth. For the last level players get to attack the Shire killing tons of hobbits along with Treebeard, and Gandalf—all as the Balrog if you have the skills. The levels consist of objective based battles where players must capture key points, bash in doors with battering rams, and/or kill off main characters like the Witch King. There is nothing spectacular about these levels. Fans of the Lord of the Rings may get a kick out of the movie like battles and alternate stories. Gamers looking for amazing combat and unforgettable experiences may be disappointed.

Luckily this game has a very unique multiplayer. I can’t think of any games on the current generation of consoles that utilize fantasy based classes. It’s a nice change of pace. All campaign maps are used for multiplayer. The three basic game types are Conquest, Capture the Ring, and Team Death Match. Conquest is your basic territories game. Controlling certain points will grant teams mounts and giants—Trolls and Ents. Capture the Ring is elfish for Capture the Flag, and Team Death Match is pretty self-explanatory. When a team reaches 50% on the score board they will unlock a Hero. There is also Hero TDM which allows players to have insane matches between Good and Evil. Seeing an army of Frodo’s decimating the Mouth of Sauron is ridiculously entertaining.

Lord of the Rings: Conquest is not an amazing game. It’s not trying to be the next blockbuster, but offers some really unique experiences and fantasy fun. It’s mediocre done well. Fans of multiplayer games and Battlefront who conquer the learning curve will have a blast. Others will enjoy the movie like battles and alternate evil story. Snerts Snazzy Score grants LOTR: Conquest 3.5 out of 5.

The Simpson's Game

Game: The Simpson’s Game

System: Wii, DS, PS3, PS2, PSP, Xbox 360

Release: October 2007


To say that The Simpson’s is my favorite show is like stating the Atlantic is damp. I am a devoted fanboy who knows ridiculous amounts of useless information about this show. I collect the crappy merchandise knowing that I’m just adding more and more money to people who don’t really need it. The show is tremendously successful and I own every season and movie available on DVD. One of my favorite stories from working at Linens N’ Things involves helping Nancy Cartwright, and one of the best lectures I had in college was from David Silverman. If you don’t know those names, then look them up along with John Swartzwelder!

Fanboyizm aside I realize when the products of the show are crap. For instance, certain later seasons lack in quality compared to the Golden Era of seasons 3-8. Another prime example is the numerous video games featuring my favorite yellow family. Until recently, the only game worth mentioning is the classic arcade Simpson’s game. EA has actually done a good job creating a satirical platformer that’s big on laughs and solid enough on gameplay to warrant at least one playthrough.

The Simpson’s Game does what the Simpson’s do best—poke fun at themselves. The entire game makes fun of video games from creation to clichés. When a cliché is found Comic Book Guy pops up with a sarcastic sigh that can be experienced right from the start.
Players start off in training mode, which is a dream where Homer is in the Land of Chocolate like the episode Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk. Here players get used to the basic game mechanics. The typical jump and punch mechanics are complimented by special abilities for each family member. For Homer he can become a large ball that can be propelled into enemies and off ramps. He can also turn into a giant gumi-monster that flings blobs of goop at his foes. The rest of the family gets to learn of their special powers over the next few episodes or levels.

Walking around Springfield, Bart just so happens to come across a video game instruction booklet for The Simpson’s Game. He learns that he has super platforming powers that can get him through the next level. Bart dawns the Bartman cape and cowl to take advantage of grappling hooks, gliding, and slingshot abilities. Homer is there to give a helping hand, and at this point the game coop feature comes into play. For the majority of episodes players can have a friend join in at any time to take over a family member. Usually there is only two Simpson’s on screen so only two people can play at a time. After each episode, however, the second player is idle. Springfield acts as a default or home map that only one player can navigate to find secrets and trigger episodes. Marge and Lisa also discover their video game powers in the proceeding episodes. Lisa can stun enemies with her saxophone, and use her Buddha power to move large objects and solve puzzles. Marge has RTS qualities. She can recruit near by town folk to destroy and build whatever she desires. Even Maggie helps out Mom by crawling through airshafts to find secrets and solve puzzles.

With the family all powered up, it’s time for the plot to kick in. Aliens invade Springfield, so the Simpson kids attempt to locate Professor Frink. In the process they discover that they’re entire existence is nothing but a video game—deep ain’t it. This leads to the family confronting Will Wright in order to save their 8bit counterparts. The Sims creator reveals that he is just a pawn, and points the finger to “the creator.” After four more episodes that vigorously throw zingers at the video game industry the Simpson’s confront Matt Groening. They discover that he too is a pawn—no way!—and the Simpson’s are off to confront God in a DDR tournament of epic proportions. After defeating God, he rids Springfield of the invading Aliens, and the Simpson’s return to their ordinary video game lives.

This plot is hilariously ridicules, and works well for the game. All family members are mixed and matched in every episode to help elevate repetitive gameplay. Coop is blast because it can be done with just about anybody. The puzzles are uncomplicated yet rewarding. Unfortunately, the camera is not very good, and hardcore gamers may be thrown off by the games simplicity. Others will embrace a game that makes you laugh, and anyone who works in the industry should give it a try. One of my favorite jokes was the QA department littered with outdated PCs, skeletons, and cobwebs. There are even a ton of collectibles and easy achievements for those collector perfectionist types. Snerts Snazzy Simpson’s Score—man I love alliteration—grants The Simpson’s Game a decent 3.5 out of 5.

Left 4 Dead

Game: Left 4 Dead

System: Xbox 360 & PC

Release: November 2008


Anyone who is a fan of the First Person Shooter should know Valve. They are the geniuses responsible for such dynasties as Half-Life, Counter Strike, Portal, Team Fortress, and most recently Left 4 Dead. All of these games have remarkable gameplay and addictive multiplayer. Valve has an unbeaten record of success in the FPS market similar to Blizzards thriving supremacy in online RPGs.

Left 4 Dead feels remarkably similar to other Valve games with the same great gameplay that is expected from the Source engine. Combat is smooth and intense. For the single player and coop game modes users take control of four survivors. These lucky fellows get to fight there way out of a zombie infection that has apparently taken over most of the country. Now these aren’t your typical zombies. They are fast and numerous jumping over obstacles to kill anyone who is not infected. If you are familiar with 28 Days Later, then you have a good idea of what you will be up against. The “Horde” is supported by five boss zombies—tank, smoker, boomer, hunter, and witch. The tank is a hulk like zombie that deals out a ton of damage. Smokers can snatch survivors with their long tongues paralyzing them until the tongue or Smoker are destroyed. Hunters pounce on their victims pinning them to the ground. Boomers are zombie Fat Bastards who puke on survivors to attract a Horde and explode when killed. Finally there are witches. These crying bitches will destroy all survivors if they are not careful. She is more powerful then a tank, and is best left alone.


The survivors consist of four well done stereotypes. First there is Bill. He is a Vietnam vet who misses the good ole days of killing Charlie. Second is Francis, who apparently loves chaos. This makes the zombie infection a welcomed change of pace to his boring biker days. Then there is Zoey. She just so happens to be the sexy college brunette who loves watching zombie movies. Finally there is Louis. He fills the role of the minority/office worker. He sees the infection has a way out of his dead end job. The survivors handle identically. They can wield the same limited armaments—pistols, smg, assault rifle, hunting rifle, shotguns, pipe bombs, and molotov cocktails. All of these characters are done well, but it would have been nice to have more. With so many stereotypes in the world there could have been additional characters to choose from.

Left 4 Dead is purely a multiplayer game. There is a single player campaign, but it provides little entertainment beyond an initial play through. The two multiplayer game types are Versus and Coop. The later allows four players to venture through a campaign against purely AI enemies. The former provides users the opportunity to play as the Boss Infected. Coop games take advantage of all four campaign stories, but Versus utilizes only two. The limited number of maps is a disappointment, but Valve mixes up each game by randomizing enemy/item spawn points. This means that
each game produces a unique experience—this is especially true in Versus when humans are controlling the boss zombies. At the end of each campaign the stats are displayed like the credits to a movie complementing the horror movie atmosphere this game produces.

Valve has done it again with another successful FPS multiplayer game. There ability to produce addictive entertaining experiences is truly fantastic. The smooth gameplay, random spawn points, and amazing AI produce an intense experience any FPS veteran can appreciate. If Valve continues to support this game with new maps—and maybe characters—then it could possibly become as big as Counter Strike. Rubber’s Review grants Left 4 Dead a 4.5 out of 5.

Mercenaries 2: World in Flames

Game: Mercenaries 2: World in Flames

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC, PS2

Release: August 2008


Mercenaries 2: World in Flames is an action packed third person sandbox shooter made by Electronic Arts and Pandemic Studios. Taking on the same characters as the first game players choose between Jen Mui, Mattias Nilsson, and Chris Jacobs. Once again each character has a unique ability. Mui runs fast. Nilsson heals more rapidly, and Jacobs can carry additional ammo. This time the mercenaries find themselves in Venezuela. The game begins with the chosen hero taking on a contract from the billionaire Ramon Salono. After completing the job he attempts to double cross you. This is a bad idea. Mercenaries apparently hate dead beats that don’t pay up, and really dislike getting shot in the ass. The basic revenge plot guides you on a path of obliteration that ultimately leads to big bucks and a disappointing ending.

Destruction is a major influence for the overall gameplay. Every building, vehicle, bush, and tree can be decimated. Don’t like that sky scrapper? Blow it up! Forest in the way? Burn it down! The only objects that cannot be destroyed are rocks and already destroyed objects. You can’t turn rubble into dust.

So everything can be smashed, cracked, and ruined. How then does one bring about this destruction? Like the first Mercenaries tons of tanks, cars, helicopters, and air strikes are at your disposal. Unfortunately the Russian Black Market is no longer available. Players must either find items out in the field, or purchase them from faction outposts. Throughout Venezuela there are plenty of vehicles to hijack that usually entail a short yet sweet God of War like mini game. Resources can also be extracted from various locations once the helicopter pilot Ewan is unlocked. If players don’t feel like scavenging, then they can check out the shops of five different factions—Pirates, Guerillas, Chinese, Allied Nations, and Universal Petroleum. Each offers various unique items and also provides contracts. The faction items cost money to buy, and everything requires fuel to deliver. Supplies that are in your “Stockpile” are distributed right into the heat of combat by your recruited helicopter and jet pilot.

I can’t stress enough, the vehicles and air strikes are what make this game fun. GTA4 dose not have this many tanks and helicopters. No game has this variety of support items. This adds to the replay value. Beat the mission using a tank? Try it again in a helicopter, or completely devastate the area with a Carpet Bomb. The unique feel that each item has is truly impressive.

So the game is a blast, but it is no where close to perfect. The visuals are impressive at first, but those with an eye for detail will notice issues. Floating objects abound once base structures are destroyed, and two-dimensional trees are the standard animation at high elevations. Also the character models and cut scenes are not up to next-gen standards. Finally, the mission structure is rather limited for the next- gen versions. The PS2, oddly, has deeper more diverse contracts that actually take advantage of the entire map. For the other consoles and PC, outpost and delivery missions are the norm. Only about 40% of the contracts take advantage of the games strong points. The remaining filler will only be completed by diehard fans and perfectionist. These issues, and more, are not huge but take away from the overall experience. It would have been great to see that extra level of polish, and more contracts that do not involve capturing outposts or delivering supplies in pick-up trucks.

The other major short coming for Mercenaries 2 is the co-op limitations. Players can pair up to take on the various armed forces throughout Venezuela. This looks great on paper, but once the client joins a host the annoyance will begin. There is a tether system that limits the distance allowed between players. This means that you cannot be on one end of Maracaibo while your buddy is on the other. The limit is set to five hundred yards, but could have used a boost up to a thousand. Players are also not allowed to take there weapons or stockpiles into another persons game. The only thing a client gains from joining a friend is money. All of the cool toys are dependent on the progression of the host’s game. Finally, resolution and rendering issues that occur in co-op are yet another ding to the already sublime graphics.

Mercenaries 2 is a fun game. Being able to destroy just about everything in Venezuela in numerous ways is entertaining. There are, however, many issues that hinder the replay value of this title. Co-op is limited at best, and only provides a way for players to make more digital dollars. The lack of polish deters from the otherwise awesome visuals, and repetitive missions combined with an uninspiring plot fail to deliver. Despite these issues many people will enjoy this game, and find it a nice change of pace from GTA4. Mercenaries 2: World in Flames receives a 3.8 out of 5. Hopefully future down-loadable contact will help flush out some of this games potential. More conceivably the game will make enough money for another attempt at perfection with Mercenaries 3.