Attack of the Clones!!!

I started writing a review for Homefront, but then fell into a rant. Enjoy. 

Homefront has everything that a solid FPS should have. Dynamic characters, solid gameplay, and well done cinematography. Despite having all this I will inevitably don the score of Gamefly--rent, play, move on. Why? Because I'm bored. 

Yes bored. 

I am tired of the tedious clones and other crap that graces the current console generation. 

There are a plethora of great shooter franchises to pick from, and I seldom find the new comers (Bulletstorm, Homefront, Borderlands) worth the full price of admission. The genre is overloaded with gimmicky copy cats. They add one or two neat ideas that often fail to hold interest over the coarse of the game. Bullet-time in FEAR. The leash in Bulletstorm. The nano suite in Crysis. All were fun at first, but didn't add enough to the basic formula. Shoot, run, shoot, find cover, reload/heal, repeat. The best I can hope for is a decent story that encourages me to finish the game. 

I find myself buying sequel after sequel. I have five Halo's, three Call of Duty's, two Left 4 Dead's, and one Bioshock. Each of the sequels offered something new, and often have the multiplayer community to warrant the purchase. Still I doubt Halo 4 and MW3 will offer anything substantially different. Yet I, and millions of others, will probably buy the next sequel because it's better then the clones. 

Hack n' slash games fair no better. God of War and Ninja Gaiden were games that broke barriers. The sequels were fantastic additions to each of the franchises, but it was more of the same. A few new comers pop up hear and there. Bayonetta was decent, and so was Heavenly Sword. I also enjoyed Force Unleashed and Afro Samurai. None had the same impact as the first God of War. None were as challenging as Ninja Gaiden. 

Next up on the chopping block is Bioware. I've thoroughly enjoyed most of their games, but I'm no fool. I can see a pattern that started with Knights of the Old Republic on Xbox. Moral choices, elite secret organizations, wacky friends, love affairs, and deep conversation trees; all while touring world/galaxy. This is in every title since KOTOR, and I doubt Mass Effect 3 will be any different. 

Similar statements can be made about the Fable and Fallout franchises. The first Fable and Fallout 3 were fantastic, but the sequels tended to be more of the same. A young child has something traumatic occur that leads him/her on a life long path to redemption...or revenge! Along the way they have to perform a bunch of tasks to become famous...or infamous! You make allies, gain abilities, and complete quests in the same world over and over again. RPG developers are also notorious for bugs, which is pretty sad considering the lifespan of the current console generation. 

Genres I'm unfamiliar with will only lead to speculation. So here we go!

Open world titles are series of already known mini games spread across a vast area.  New sports games, and fighters, offer roster updates and a few new moves. Racers are the same old tired franchises. JRPG's seem to be stuck in a rut, and RTS games still suck on consoles. Music inspired games is a dead genre beaten by Activision and slightly kicked by EA. Finally, since 2004, the MMORPG genre continues to be equated with World of Warcraft. Everywhere you go it's clones and sequels (or expansion packs and dlc).

I want a new and amazing videogame. I want that same feeling I got playing Splinter Cell, Shadows of the Colossus, or Halo for the first time. I want to play a game over and over again because it's that good. Something that hasn't happened since Batman: Arkham Asylum. 

One day my Gamefly account will be used for something besides sequels and clones. I'll be patient, and save money. I don't have any fantastic ideas after all....just complaints. Perhaps it's just me, or maybe developers need start coming up with better material to earn my money. Either way I'm bored. Time to take up some new hobbies, and catch up on that reading list; in between the drum n' bass events and pool parties.

A Short Trip Through the Dark Side

Game: Force Unleashed II

System: Everything

Release: October 2010

Force Unleashed provided hours of entertainment as the quintessential ass kicking Jedi video game. Players took on the role of Starkiller, Darth Vader's secret apprentice, and experienced a well executed Star Wars adventure. Such success is bound to bring a sequel, and unfortunately it failed to deliver.

My first gripe with Force Unleashed II is the length. The main character visits three planets, and only fights on two of them. Dagobah is a drawn out cut scene with some rock moving for power ups. Kamino is used twice, and is arguably the most fun. There is a decent space ship level, and Starkiller visits a barbaric planet that is obsessed with a gladiator arena. A stage that felt like a God of War clone. There are two bosses and six levels in all that took me six hours to complete.

Next up on the shit list is the story. None of the characters were new with the exception of a disgruntle baron. The plot itself is boring. Vader clones Starkiller, and tries to make an army of Jedi clones. Big whoop. The writers also tell the origins of the Rebel Alliance by making Juno a key leader. Of course Clonekiller is still in love so he does all sorts of stupid things to be with her again. All the while he's questioning if his existence even matters because he's a clone. Is he a puppet of the Dark Lord, or will he find true love? The first game had you hunting down old Jedi for Vader following the creation of the Empire. There was murder, betrayal, and love. Much more entertaining then the hog wash of a sequel.

Last but not least is gameplay. Actually, I got nothing really bad to say here. There are a few new Jedi powers. The most fun being Mind Trick. Enemies will either commit suicide by jumping off ledges, or fight their allies to the death. The targeting system is better, and the presentation is top notch. Lightsabers finally dismember and decapitate. The music is still John Williams, and there is still plenty of environmental interaction. All of this makes the game fun, and worth experiencing.

Force Unleashed II has tons of awesome little things. The joy of using force grip on a storm trooper and hurling him through the air is magnificent. Taking down larger then life creatures is always fun, and there is even a bit of Boba Fett for the fans. If only the game had some new characters, a better story, and another six levels. Then it may have even been worth the full price of admission. Snerts Snazzy Score gives this title a solid Gamefly. Rent, play, and move on to the next title in your que.

I'm a Jumper Not a Fighter

Game: Prince of Persia

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: December 2008


Prince of Persia is a franchise that dates back to 1989. A successful reboot of the series was accomplished by Ubisoft in 2003 with Sands of Time. That fantastic game is one of the best experiences available on the original Xbox, and Ubisoft has been attempting to capture that magic with a slew of crappy sequels.

Each Prince of Persia has the same set up. The main character is a prince with amazing acrobatic abilities. This triple AAA protagonist always seems to find himself in deadly scenarios that may or may not involve a female side kick, time manipulation, and magical villains. He will generally jump, skip, and stab his way through each adventure. The plot will either be brilliant yet generic or simply ridiculous.

The 2008 Prince of Persia (there has been a more recent release and movie earlier this year) attempts to reboot the series once more. The Prince finds himself lost in a desert. Surprise surprise a damsel in distress appears named Elika. He rescues her from some attackers, and discovers that she has magical powers. Elika pleads her case and seeks aide in restoring her kingdom that has been taken over by “the corruption.” A handful of jumps, skips, and stabs later the game ends.

I could go on about the crappy plot. How you never really care about anything, and just push on to jump and skip (stabbing is boring) to the next piece of beautiful landscape. Or how Elika shows a range of emotion akin to a fourteen year old drama queen. Or how I have never seen anything remotely close to Persian culture in regards to the characters. I could go on about all that, but that would just be silly.

Gameplay is where the fun is for Prince of Persia. Like Sands of Time the Prince performs a variety of acrobatic moves to navigate through deadly traps. Instead of time manipulation Elika provides a magical safety net to ensure the Prince never dies. This allows players to continue playing. A novel concept for video games. The designers knew that people would fail to make a particular jump so they put in a system to instantly warp them to a checkpoint. No load screens is a huge plus for any game, but especially for a tittle that is dependent on a smooth constant tempo.

Level design is what I would expect from the franchise. The Prince goes up. He goes down. He slides, dives, wall runs, and swings his way about. The graphical presentation is eye popping in a gorgeous cell shaded style. Levels are a bit more repetitive then other Prince of Persia games because of the overall path design. Players can go to any area from the start, which results in a bland difficulty curve. Rising action/challenge would have suited this game better.

Combat is not the strongest point for any Prince of Persia game, and the 2008 addition manages to be even more bland then past releases. You cannot die so no enemy is ever threatening. The combos are entertaining at first, but get old fast. Low level enemies have too little health, and boss fights drag on too long. Fighting is the most boring aspect of this game. Hardcore fans of the hack/slash genre are sure to be disappointed.

Prince of Persia is not a bad game, but does fall under that “Thank Goodness for Gamefly” category. Fans of the series and platforming will enjoy another adventure with the prince of jumps, skips, and stabs--even if the stabs are lackluster. Combat is boring, and the story stinks. Yet the presentations is stylistic and beautiful. The pacing is excellent thanks to the absence of load screens, and exploring this fantasy world is it’s own reward. Snerts Snazzy Score grants the 2008 Prince of Persia a 3.5 out of 5.

Doing What Vikings Do Best...Conquer!

Game: Viking Battle for Asgard

System: Xbox 360, PS3

Release: March 2008



Viking: Battle for Asgard is a game found in bargain bins priced under twenty bucks American. It did not sell well, and probably flew under the radar for many gamers. Now during the summer lull is a perfect time to revisit this open world hack n' slash game. It's cheap, and there is plenty of fun to be had.

Viking embraces Norse mythology for the setting and plot. The gods of Asgard are bickering, and of course mortals have to pay. The goddess Hel is pissed about her banishment. She raises an army of demons, and threatens to unleash the ancient god Fenrir. Why Fenrir? Cause he will bring about the apocalypse, or Ragnarok, that destroys Asgard.

Freya, the goddess of war, selects the main character Skarin as her mortal champion. Skarin's only desire is to be allowed entrance into Valhalla. (SPOILER) He defeats the Hel and her armies saving both mortal and god. Freya still denies his wish so Skarin unleashes Fenrir. Don't fuck with Skarin.

Ya I know. The story sounds as exciting as a moose pissing against the wind. The pacing and gameplay are what keeps this game going. Skarin must free three islands from the clutches of Hel. Each island follows a similar pattern. Build an army by freeing viking warriors at key locations. Along the way you collect gold, learn new abilities, and summon a dragon. In addition to raising an army each island has a stealth section, a tower to capture, and a large patrol to ambush.

When the army is ready you invade a fortified location. During this segment players charge into battle to take out key enemies and capture objective points. The dragons act as artillery fire, and can be used after collecting dragon ruins. Ruins are rewarded when the player kills giants or completes objectives. Once all the forts are conquered Skarin moves onto the next island.

Skarin controls like a bulky buff viking. He makes strong blows that hack off limbs. He has combos, counters, and magic. Special melee moves take a certain amount of stars to activate. Stars are unlocked by successfully hitting any enemy. The magic consists of fire, lightening, and ice. Just like every other game fire burns, lightening shocks, and ice freezes. Skarin can also share his magic with near by soldiers, which can be devastating during the large army campaigns.
Viking is nothing like the top hack/slash tittles (God of War, Ninja Gaiden, Bayonetta). The quick time events lack polish animation and suffers from camera jitters. I saw too often axes slamming into thin air instead of the flesh of my enemies. The sound quality is terrible. The frame rate suffers during large battles. Skarin is slow to block, and the dodge/counter move may suffer depending on the topography. The timing for combos is wonky at best, and the auto lock jumps from target to target way to easily. These annoyances, are just that, annoying. You'll find yourself displeased, but the fun factor is not diminished significantly.

Viking: Battle for Asgard is a great rental or cheap buy. It's everything that Yahtzee wanted Brutal Legend to be. An open world hack n' slash game with large armies and great visuals with no RTS features. The gameplay isn't perfect, but it's fun enough to tolerate. Same could be said for the story. There are crazy vikings, huge battles, magic, and dragons. That spells fun to Snerts, and my Snazzy Score is 3.8 out of 5.

God of Epic Action

Franchise: God of War I, II, & III

Systems: PS2 & PS3

Releases: 2005, 2007, 2010


God of War is synonymous with action, sex, gore, and epic gameplay experiences. The folks at Sony's Santa Monica Studios have defined a genre. Numerous games have attempted to mimic their success. Some are carbon copies like Dante's Inferno. The rest attempt to capture the magic of quick time events and other game mechanics first seen in God of War. No game in this genre can hold a candle to Kratos (the main character). His badassery knows no bounds. Every God of War game will have fantastic combat, plot, and a larger then life presentation.

Fighting is what Kratos does best. The controls are typical for the genre, but the execution is what counts. Combat is fluid and I never felt like the game screwed me. If I died it was because I made a mistake. All encounters follow a basic pattern. Wear down the enemy with basic combos and magic, then finish them off with a quick time event. QTEs add an extra layer to the basic combo button smashing. Whenever a QTE is initiated Kratos performs an epic kill. This may include ripping the head off a Medusa like creature, beating to death Poseidon, or gutting a centaur. Each QTE is epic and successful execution makes you feel like a bad ass.

Some platforming is also performed with QTE's. Once again these are moments where the basic control scheme will not work. This allows developers to create numerous situations, which helps the game stay fresh.
Kratos is fun to control, but what about his story. Is this another series where I frantically skip cut scenes to get back to the fun? HADES NO! *Spoiler Alerts* By the end of the third game Kratos has seen and destroyed all of mythological Greece. He starts with Ares the God of War, and ends with Zeus. In between he kills heroes like Hercules and Theseus, titans like Kronos and Gaia, and thousands of gorgons, harpies, and minotors. Top notch graphics bring to life classic environments like Pandora's temple, mount Olympus, and the Steeds of Time. The icing on the cake is an epic sound track fitting for such an EPIC adventure.
The God of War franchise does everything right. The developers utilize a setting ripe for action and adventure to create their own story. Each game sets the bar for action, graphics, and epicness. The fact that other developers continue to copy Santa Monica Studios speaks volumes. Snerts Snazzy Score grants God of War I, II, & III, a 5 out of 5.

All Action Tits to Toes

Game: Bayonetta

System: Xbox 360 & P-cursed-S3

Release: January 2010 NA

Bayonetta is a sexualized witch who is constantly under attack by the forces of heaven. What do I mean by “sexualized?” The cinematography is straight out of a soft core porn flick with numerous T&A shots. Her finishing moves trigger animation segments where her clothes fly off and morph into some demonic creature to finish off a boss. Sex, action, and gameplay drive this wild ride. The story is dragged behind desperately screaming as it clings to whatever it can. Does a video game need anything besides great graphics and solid gameplay? Bayonetta’s high Metacritic score says “No!”

There is little point in explaining the games story. The experience was reminiscent of Matrix Reloaded. Here is this amazing action that keeps on building with little to no real plot foundation. Then some guy in a white suite fills up the screen and attempts to monologue the stories way into something epically important. The games character and plot development are so shallow I didn’t care what this Sage guy had to say. Bayonetta would just wink and say something stupid like “You’re an ugly one.” An explosion would occur followed by another cut scene. Then there will be another cut scene to show off Bayonetta’s “moves.” Finally after one more cut scene the game moves on to the fun part—combat.

The gameplay is brilliant. The frame rate, camera, and graphical presentation enhance a robust combo/weapon system. Like Batman: AA there is no blocking. Bayonetta dodges to survive, and this has a chance to trigger bullet time. Dodging also refills the magic meter that is crucial in performing finishing or torture moves. Torture moves engage a quick time event that is visual pleasing to say the very least. This extra layer of strategy makes the game stand out in a crowd of copy cats. The majority of weapons can be placed on the feet or hands producing a number of effective combinations. My personal favorite was the samurai sword and ice skates. I would glide around enemies hacking and slashing all the way. The unique claw set was also fun. Players can switch between fire and electric claws with one simple move. The projectile weapons, however, could have been better. The shotguns and rocket launchers are too slow for the amount of damage they produce. Still the weapons felt original and fun, which is rare for game in this genre.

Enemies and level design completes Bayonetta’s combat pie. The art style is fantastic and the graphical presentation is top notch. Each enemy feels and looks different, but are arranged in the typical grunt to boss difficulty. There is a new enemy for each level which is a great way to keep things fresh. The levels themselves range from bland to ridiculous. The very surrounding often adds to the intense action feel this game produces. At one point I was running up the side of a clock tower as the town was engulfed in lava. Another moment had me cruising down a highway on a motorcycle dodging obstacles and killing enemies along the way. By the end you are literally blasted into orbit to fight a god like figure. All of this is delivered in jaw dropping visuals, crappy music, and cheesy dialogue.

Bayonetta is designed for multiple playthroughs. There are tons of hidden treasures and medals to unlock. The levels, however, don’t change. Players still are stuck skipping a thousand cut scenes filled with the same garbage. The music is terrible and repetitive. The lame story and insufferable number of combat interruptions hinder the games overall enjoyment. When you actually get to play the game is fantastic, but even those segments get old fast. Snerts Snazzy Score for Bayonetta is 4.2 out of 5.

Down Down Down the Ring of Fire

Game: Dante’s Inferno

System: Xbox 360 & PS3

Release: January 2010

Dante’s Inferno is a God of War clone and proud of it. God of War is an action adventure hack/slash. Kratos is the main character, and his travels take us through all the major sites of Greek mythology. The combat helped to define a genre by including quick time events during cinematics and a solid combo system. Besides his main weapon Kratos uses magic, and he would have to solve the occasional puzzle. Replace Kratos with Dante, and Greek myth with Christian myth and you have Dante’s Inferno.

Dante’s Inferno (DI) is loosely based on the historic poem of the same name, and follows Dante’s decent into hell to save his dearest Beatrice. Unlike the poem Dante is an Italian crusader returning from the third crusades lead by Richard the Lionheart. Richard is the king that Robin Hood loves, but that is an entirely different story. Dante was a bad boy during his tour in the holy land. To show off his sins he made a tapestry and stitched the fabric to his chest. Unfortunately his wife and father wouldn’t be able to see his new found body art. They were murdered in their home, and the killer finished the job by stabbing Dante in the back.

Anyone who has played video games knows death is a joke, and DI takes that concept to heart. Apparently Dante is a super bad ass. He steals the infamous Scythe and kills Death. Not sure how a universe is suppose to go on without death, but who am I to judge? Armed with an unholy weapon Dante begins his decent into hell to save Beatrice who apparently made a deal with the devil. She bet her soul that Dante would be a good Christian during the Crusade—hahaha stupid girl. Nine circles of hell, and some obvious sequel foreshadowing, Dante absolves his sins to save his love.

Combat in DI is very similar to God of War. Dante wields the scythe mentioned above and a holy cross from his beloved Beatrice. The cross is a projectile attack, and the scythe can perform light, heavy, and throw moves. Magic is discovered in the game world—just like in GoW—or can be learned by gaining experience to purchase upgrades. Four spells can be equipped at one time, and are crucial to surviving the more difficult encounters. Dante will also find relics that enhance a wide variety of abilities. There are so many good relics that players can really customize a play through by focusing more on magic, defensive, or offensive combat.

DI has another unique feature that is not found in God of War. The upgrade system is divided into two groups unholy and holy. To level up Dante can either Punish or Absolve enemies and famous historical figures found in hell. I did enjoy absolving Atilla the Hun and damming the Queen of Troy. Unfortunately there is little incentive to punish anyone after unlocking all the unholy moves. You get more experience from absolving via a minigame, and these xp hubs do not affect the main story.
The last few things worth mentioning about DI are the art design and frame rate. The entire game runs at an average of 60fps. That is fantastic for this genre and creates smooth combat experiences. The art design is also well done. The environments are detailed and eye catching. You will never forget that you are in hell, yet each level has a distinct theme. The gluttony level has Dante traveling through demonic digestive system with vicious worms and hungry fat asses that try to eat you. The greed area has liquid hot gold to torture the damned. Visually the average enemies are nothing too special, but the numerous bosses are a hoot. The boss in the Circle of Lust has tongues for nipples, and Lucifer has cock and balls. Oh and encase you cared Satan’s package has physics.

The main campaign will take about eight hours. After completing the game a new mode called the Gates of Hell is unlocked. This is a series of challenges that were previewed in the games demo. For people who do not own a PS3, and will never own God of War III, Dante’s Inferno may be a good buy. There is plenty of fun to be had, and the art design is very appealing. I am also a history major and I thought the game captured the brutality of the crusades well. For Xbox 360 owners I’d recommend buying the game but don’t pay full price. PS3 peeps should just wait for God of War III, which is coming out in March. Snerts Snazzy Score grants Dante’s Inferno a 4 out of 5.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Game: X-men Origins: Wolverine

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: May 2009

Wolverine is no stranger to the digital world. He has been in just about every X-men game released since the dawn of comic based games. Unfortunately he hasn’t been in a good one since Marvel vs. Capcom 2. This all changes with X-men Origins. Raven has created a fun experience that provides a more robust plot then the movie. They also released a title full of bugs, repetitive gameplay, and poor pacing.

Starting with what they did right, this is the first game that actually treats
Wolverine like a killing machine. Players will immediately notice the generous amount of blood and guts. It’s about dam time Wolverine is sharing traits with Ryu Hyabusa and Kratos. Wolverine will slash off arms, decapitate foes, impale enemies on environmental objects, and throw bad guys off mountain tops. There is even a finishing move that brutally destroys whoever Wolverine is holding. The combat is smooth, effective, and fun. Raven also utilizes Wolverines famous healing ability to the extreme. Logan can be blown up to the bare bones and players will literally see him regenerate lost tissue. Finally, there is a Feral Sense that will guide players through the level and illustrate various assets to interact with. These range from pick ups to level objectives. All of these features vividly illustrate Wolverines abilities while creating an entertaining experience.

The other strong point for X-men Origins is the story itself. The game contains a majority of the movie dialogue, but takes the plot further into the Marvel universe. Wolverine will eventually visit a research facility that is developing the very first Sentinel. For fans of the comics this is a real treat. By the end of the level players are fighting a larger then life Sentinel as they plummet to the Earth. Wolverine will also face off against the Blob, Gambit, and off course Sabertooth. Interestingly enough Wolverine can even fight himself. Finding collectible figurines in the game will unlock alternative costumes. To earn the right to wear the costumes you have to fight your alter ego in the Danger Room. These fights are challenging because the cloned Wolverine has all the same moves as the player, and is a nice bonus along side the solid story.

Now that the praise is over let’s bring on the pain—err criticisms. This game relies on a crutch move. While targeting an enemy Wolverine can lunge across the screen and impale them with his claws head on. This mechanic is fun, but ultimately used way too often. Each boss fight requires you to lunge at the enemy. The only difference is what you do before you lunge. Players will also frequently lunge to distant enemies for various platforming segments. It would have been nice to have more situations where others moves were utilized.

Another issue with this game involves the pacing of the story. The flashback mechanic is employed way too often. After Wolverine gets his admantium skeleton the game will flashback to Africa. Whenever he meets a new character the game will time warp to Africa. The overall length of the game is good, and the story is delivered just fine. Hell even the poor facial mechanics and bad acting are excusable. The flashbacks, however, are just too much.

Finally we come to the bugs. Wolverine suffers from collision problems, a handful of debatable art issues, and a few progression stoppers. When fighting giant enemies Wolverine can be picked up and thrown. The animation usually plays out smooth, but occasionally Wolverine will just magically appear on the floor. He may not match up with the giant’s hand either, and the camera will frequently go through environmental assets to reveal untextured areas. These issues are not game breaking, but they don’t help the overall experience.

Wolverine’s healing ability is the debatable art issue. For some reason it insists on regenerating his clothes as well as his flesh. Now I’m not really interested in seeing a naked Wolverine throughout the game, but the shirt could have stayed off. The healing ability also fails to match Wolverines health bar. You can be at full health and still remain a bloody mess. Again this is nothing game breaking. More polish, however, would have helped create a solid visual presentation.

Last but not least are the progression stoppers. I ran into two during my first play through. One was during the fight with Gambit. I knocked him off a platform to the floor below. This wouldn’t be an issue if I could have joined him on the lower floor. Instead I had to restart from the last check point. The second progression stopper occurred during a load screen—probably during a flashback to Africa.

X-men Origins: Wolverine is a fun yet flawed game. The combat is solid, but the lunge move is abused. The story is better then the movie, but has too many flashbacks that disrupt the pace. Players can use all of Wolverines powers for probably the first time in a video game. Unfortunately the adventure is littered with bugs. Fans of Wolverine will love this game. Fans of hack and slash games will enjoy a solid renter. The rest will play something else. Snerts Snazzy Score grants X-men Origins: Wolverine a 3.5 out of 5.