I'm a Jumper Not a Fighter

Game: Prince of Persia

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: December 2008


Prince of Persia is a franchise that dates back to 1989. A successful reboot of the series was accomplished by Ubisoft in 2003 with Sands of Time. That fantastic game is one of the best experiences available on the original Xbox, and Ubisoft has been attempting to capture that magic with a slew of crappy sequels.

Each Prince of Persia has the same set up. The main character is a prince with amazing acrobatic abilities. This triple AAA protagonist always seems to find himself in deadly scenarios that may or may not involve a female side kick, time manipulation, and magical villains. He will generally jump, skip, and stab his way through each adventure. The plot will either be brilliant yet generic or simply ridiculous.

The 2008 Prince of Persia (there has been a more recent release and movie earlier this year) attempts to reboot the series once more. The Prince finds himself lost in a desert. Surprise surprise a damsel in distress appears named Elika. He rescues her from some attackers, and discovers that she has magical powers. Elika pleads her case and seeks aide in restoring her kingdom that has been taken over by “the corruption.” A handful of jumps, skips, and stabs later the game ends.

I could go on about the crappy plot. How you never really care about anything, and just push on to jump and skip (stabbing is boring) to the next piece of beautiful landscape. Or how Elika shows a range of emotion akin to a fourteen year old drama queen. Or how I have never seen anything remotely close to Persian culture in regards to the characters. I could go on about all that, but that would just be silly.

Gameplay is where the fun is for Prince of Persia. Like Sands of Time the Prince performs a variety of acrobatic moves to navigate through deadly traps. Instead of time manipulation Elika provides a magical safety net to ensure the Prince never dies. This allows players to continue playing. A novel concept for video games. The designers knew that people would fail to make a particular jump so they put in a system to instantly warp them to a checkpoint. No load screens is a huge plus for any game, but especially for a tittle that is dependent on a smooth constant tempo.

Level design is what I would expect from the franchise. The Prince goes up. He goes down. He slides, dives, wall runs, and swings his way about. The graphical presentation is eye popping in a gorgeous cell shaded style. Levels are a bit more repetitive then other Prince of Persia games because of the overall path design. Players can go to any area from the start, which results in a bland difficulty curve. Rising action/challenge would have suited this game better.

Combat is not the strongest point for any Prince of Persia game, and the 2008 addition manages to be even more bland then past releases. You cannot die so no enemy is ever threatening. The combos are entertaining at first, but get old fast. Low level enemies have too little health, and boss fights drag on too long. Fighting is the most boring aspect of this game. Hardcore fans of the hack/slash genre are sure to be disappointed.

Prince of Persia is not a bad game, but does fall under that “Thank Goodness for Gamefly” category. Fans of the series and platforming will enjoy another adventure with the prince of jumps, skips, and stabs--even if the stabs are lackluster. Combat is boring, and the story stinks. Yet the presentations is stylistic and beautiful. The pacing is excellent thanks to the absence of load screens, and exploring this fantasy world is it’s own reward. Snerts Snazzy Score grants the 2008 Prince of Persia a 3.5 out of 5.

Ubisoft Puts the "Ass" in Assassin

Game: Assassins Creed II

Systems: Xbox 360, PC, PS3

Release: March 2010


Assassins Creed was one of the most boring games I have ever played. The controls were awkward. The setting was bland. The plot was down right silly. After a few hours of play I set down the controls and returned the game. More recently I got a hold of the sequel. The controls got a bit better, and the setting of 15th century Italy is more interesting. The plot, however, is still silly, and I doubt I'll ever have a desire to play the game again.

The entire premise for this series is down right dumb. In the not so distant future an evil group called the Templars are attempting to find a secret weapon that can do all sorts of stuff. The problem is no one knows where this weapon is, and the only way to find it is to look into the past. Books and ancient records, however, are not enough. To truly find the information people are hooked up to a machine called the Animus. This device allows people to scan the memories of their ancestors, and the main character Desmond just so happens to have a butt load of ancestors with knowledge of this secret weapon.

The first game had Desmond going through the memories of Altair during the crusades. Desmond also found out the corporation that runs the Animus is connected to the Templars. The sequel begins with Desmond being freed by the female "hero" Lucy. She takes him to a rag tag rebellious group that is also searching for the secret weapon.The key is to follow the memories of Ezio an assassin from Renaissance Italy. By the end of the game SPOILER Desmond discovers the truth. Aliens created the world and gave a dire warning of some future catastrophe. This is all explained in a pathetic ending monologue that struggles to cover up all the crappy plot holes.

So the story is dog poop on a stick, but that isn't anything new to video games. Gameplay and graphics will give some form of entertainment. The environment engine is truly fantastic. I really felt like I was running through 15th century Italy. Giant church steeples punch through the sky line. Venice is truly a labyrinth of water ways. Art is everywhere, and the carnival brought some color into the otherwise brown/red motif. As a student of history I had a blast roaming old school Italy. Unfortunately with all the graphical power going to environments character models suffer. Everyone runs around with giant fish mouths, their hair physics are rigid, and their eyes bulge outward.

Gameplay denotes improvement from the previous game, but still feels awkward. Combat is all about countering and dodging. This creates situations where you simply hold down block and wait for someone to attack. Running away is still more fun then fighting in Ass Creed II--unless you get the drop on someone.

Leonardo da Vinci is your gadget man, and he does make some cool toys. The famous hidden blade is now doubled so players can assassinate two people at once. A poisoned hidden blade is ridiculously fun. Pick a victim. Prick with poison, and watch as they throw their arms/weapons around while they slowly die. Ezio even gets a gun, which is extremely over powered in a land of arrows and swords. What about the flying machine you ask? Meh. Ubisoft over hyped the famous da Vinci glider, and the game is fun despite its pathetic weak-sauce.

Assassins Creed II is not a bad game, but it is far from anything spectacular. Fans of the first will enjoy the second. The rest of us will probably rent the game, play it once, and move on. Exploring Italian cities and poisoning people are the most entertaining parts of the game. The plot, character models, and combat still need improvement. Snerts Snazzy Score is a 4 out of 5.

Fisher is Back!

Game: Splinter Cell Conviction

System: Xbox 360

Release: April 2010


Sam Fisher is back and he is pissed. Some assholes have been fucking with his life and he won't stand for it. His daughter is dead, and he killed his best friend on a bupkus mission that failed to produce a mole in Third Echelon. Now after three years on the run Grimsdottir contacts Sam. She has information about his daughter's killer, and warns him of a hit squad out to get him. This starts a wild roller coaster ride filled with conspiracy, action, and lots of death.

Like most Tom Clancy games, Splinter Cell Conviction's presentation is top notch. Michael Ironside and friends did a great job with the voice acting. The plot is well done with plenty of twists and turns. The graphics are sweet, and the new projection tech used to illustrate objectives is the coolest HUD idea since Dead Space. Environments are detailed, and like previous Splinter Cell games Sam can take full advantage of pipes, ledges, shadows, cover, and whatever else is around. There are some frame rate issues, and a few progression stoppers, but these minor mishaps are few and far between.

The biggest change to the series is the gameplay. The old slow and steady pace has been speed up significantly. Traditional Splinter cell mechanics have bit the dust. There is no dead body management, hacking, or lock picking. Many of the old gadgets are gone, but the famous Sticky Camera remains. Everything has been streamlined and simplified. Melee strikes are a guaranteed kill that trigger the Execute ability. This allows the player to mark up to four enemies for a quick kill. This seems like an “I win” button, but in the midst of chaos marking targets is not easy.

All movement is quick paced and the animations are reminiscent of Assassins Creed. The cover system is the best I've ever seen. Pressing the left trigger will dash your character to the nearest cover. Holding the button will keep you under cover, and pressing A will dart you to the next spot. At any time you release the left trigger and tada you are away from cover. I never felt stuck to a wall, and that is a first. Interrogations have also seen an improvement. Click the video below. Sam makes water boarding look like a bad day at the beach.
Sam's adventure is just one piece of the delicious pie. The single player game takes five to six hours to complete. The co-op story is about the same length, and is a ton fun.The two game modes have interwoven plots that really create a well rounded universe. Other game modes include Hunter, Last Stand, Face Off, and Infiltration. Hunter and Infiltration are simple kill everyone missions. Last Stand is a survivor mode that forces players to protect a EMP from waves of enemies. Face Off pits spy vs. spy. Players have to rack up points to win. Killing NPC's grants one point, but killing the other human player rewards five. Dieing subtracts three. Whoever has the most points at the end of the round wins. With the exception of Face Off, each game mode can be played alone or with a friend. Ubisoft took a big risk rebooting the Splinter Cell series but it payed off. Stealth action has been born. The fast gameplay is fun and rewarding. The story, graphics, and hud are polished and entertaining. The various game modes provides hours of content, and co-op improves the replay value. The non-story based sections are also wide open for future DLC packs. Conviction is a new type of shooter that is a welcomed refreshing experience. Some veterans of the series will be turned off by all the changes, but the rest of us will enjoy a great video game. Snerts Snazzy Score grants Splinter Cell Conviction a 4.9 out of 5.

Splinter Cell Series:

Games: Splinter Cell, Pandora Tomorrow, Chaos Theory, Double Agent

Systems: Xbox and Xbox 360

Releases: 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007

When ever someone asks me, “Why did you buy an Xbox?” I give them three answers. Halo, Ninja Gaiden, and Splinter Cell. Thus it is only fitting that I dedicated some time to the third member of my holy Xbox trinity. Splinter Cell is a stealth action game developed by Tom Clancy and Ubisoft. This series revolutionized the much neglected stealth genre, and produced some of the best looking games on the Xbox.

The plots for this series always take place in the near future, and typically revolve around a catastrophic event that could trigger World War III or worse. The main character, Sam Fisher, is the best of the best in modern day spies. He is selected by Irving Lambert, an old friend, to be apart of the black ops team for the NSA called Third Echelon. The character development is remarkable in each of the tittles. The actors give top notch performances, and the events portrayed are realistic and exciting.

The first three games stuck to the generic prevention of world wide threats, but the fourth title, Double Agent, took a different approach. Fisher and Lambert get wind of a plot to set of numerous WMDs throughout the United States. Without the approval of Washington, they decide to infiltrate the terrorist organization. Fisher goes along with the dangerous idea presumably because his daughter died leaving him alone in the world. Throughout the game there are tough choices that have to be made. Fisher can’t appear to be a spy, but at the same time he’s suppose appease the US government. By the end of the game Lambert is dead, Third Echelon is dissolved, and Fisher is on the run from the CIA. Double Agent presumably sets up the next Splinter Cell game entitled Conviction.

The gameplay for the Splinter Cell series consistently improves from title to title. The first game is arguably the hardest to complete. There are numerous missions where no alarms can be triggered; no guards can be killed, etc. You have to be the perfect spy. No one can know that you were there. The second game, Pandora Tomorrow, is more forgiving then the first, but still requires a greater degree of stealth then Chaos Theory or Double Agent.

Pandora Tomorrow introduced the first multiplayer aspect to the series. Players pair up into teams of spies and mercenaries. The spies are given a set amount of time to complete various objectives, and the mercenaries attempt to prevent the spies from succeeding. When playing as a mercenary there is no third person perspective, and the gameplay is very similar to a FPS Tom Clancy game. Spies are the equivalent of a non-lethal Fisher. The action is intense, and the tension of some matches is incredible. Unfortunately, this revolutionary multiplayer has a high learning curve that often shuns away new players. The community never really hit record numbers, and many games suffered from connection issues.

Chaos Theory and Double Agent improved some of the faults of the first attempt at Spies vs. Mercenaries, and also introduced co-op. Players take on the role of two new recruits to the Third Echelon. My personal nick names for them is Blue and Red—based on the color of thier goggles. There are about a half dozen awesome missions that you can accomplish with a friend. Each require team work unique to the co-op mode, but ultimately the gameplay is very similar to the single player campaign.

To accomplish your missions the NSA provides you with some really cool toys. There is the infamous sticky camera that can be shot from an attachment on your gun. This device will scout out numerous areas, and can also be used to distract and/or neutralize guards. My other favorite spy tool is the sticky shocker. This weapon can take out numerous guards who always seem to stand in large puddles of water. In addition to these devices, there are not so standard military weapons. The third game upgraded Fishers arsenal to include a knife (the best item in the game), an electronic jammer connected to his pistol, and a shotgun and sniper attachment to his rifle.

Of course all of these tools are useless in the wrong hands. Luckily Fisher, and the other spies, has amazing acrobatic agility and strength. The player can take full advantage of the levels environments. The famous split kick will allow the spy to hide in narrow hallways. Climbing across rooms on pipes, and crawling in air vents, is vital to moving across heavily guarded areas unnoticed. There is nothing like snapping the neck of an unsuspecting enemy has you hang upside down from a pipe. The game does an excellent job of providing multiple paths and numerous ways to complete each level. This is especially true in Double Agent and Chaos theory where more aggressive gameplay is allowed aka the stupid but ballsy style.

The Splinter Cell series has provided me with countless hours of entertainment. The games are solid from top to bottom. Gorgeous graphical presentation, top notch sound, and smart and adaptive gameplay create a unique experience every gamer should try at least once. The overall series gets 5 out of 5 with a special recognition to Chaos Theory. This game introduced the preeminent upgrades to the series, and propelled its popularity to new heights. If you have to pick only one Splinter Cell game to play, then make it Chaos Theory.