The Crack Scrolls V: Dragoncandy

A dragon is no match for this feline warrior.

Game--The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim

System: PC, Xbox 360, PS3

Release: November 2011


Skyrim will suck you in. Binge gaming may ensue. Apologize to your loved ones if you start to play this game. They will miss you, and wonder where you've been months later when you reconnect at that random social gathering.

Like most Elder Scroll tittles, Skyrim is a massive videogame. For all the time spent--currently at 160 hours across two characters--I haven't come close to experiencing all the content. There's also DLC, which adds even more to this epic adventure. It has everything you'd expect from a fantasy game and then some. Players can create a wide range of classes, from a number of different races, and quest until the cows come home.

Beautiful landscape throughout the game.

The depth of the skill system is overwhelming at first, but once mastered it's a beautiful thing. Other games will force you down a strict traditional path of the warrior, rogue, or caster. You're either throwing lightening bolts, or blocking blows with your shield. Skyrim says fuck all that. If a character uses an ability, then they gain experience. It's not necessary to use skill points granted each level on abilities used in game. Anyone can throw a fireball, or pick a lock. Like in life, practice will eventually make perfect.

Obviously specialization in a select number of capabilities will define your character, but players are given free reign to figure out what works for them. You can be that archer who also summons creatures to aide them in battle, or the armored knight with a cunning tongue and pickpocket skills. Specialize in alchemy, enchanting, or become a blacksmith. Can't decide, then take up all three. The variety is mind boggling, and it increases the replay value tremendously.

Ah, the common folk.

Adding to the deep character development is a breathtaking world begging to be explored. The general theme for the game is loosely influenced by Nordic mythology. There are vast snow capped mountains, lush green valleys, caves, coasts, rivers, castles, and villages. The native populace speak in an accent the reminds me of Minnesota, and you won't go more than fifteen minutes before something random occurs. Be it a dragon attacking the local town, or a thief making a pathetic attempt to rob you.

Consistently while playing I kept thinking. Let's do one more thing. Just one more. I'll go to this town. Talk to one person, and be done. I traveled to that town, but got distracted by a murder that happened right as I strolled through the city gates. Next thing I know I'm off helping someone settle a local rebellion. Moments later I got sucked into a warrior cult who's leaders consisted of werewolves. Then I went hunting and fishing for a bit. I check the clock, it's one in the morning, and I realize another evening has been dedicated to exploring Skyrim.

Dragons take forever to finish their monologues. 

Story wise it's hard to give an overall definitive opinion. The game consists of major and minor quest lines. Each guild, the civil war, and the main story are major quest lines. With some exceptions the rest our minor. Some story arcs were more interesting then others. The dragon plot started off great, but sort of tapered off towards the end. I thoroughly enjoyed the Dark Brotherhood adventure, but didn't care so much for the Companions.

It was disappointing that the major quest lines didn't intersect very often. Also, with so many distractions from the sheer variety of this game, storytelling is hindered by a short attention span. You'll set out to save the word from the dragon menace, get distracted by a demon who wants to go bar hopping, which somehow leads you to an ancient cavern searching for a rare plant. All of a sudden you forget why you were fetching some item that was instrumental in defeating the wicked dragons.

Will you choose the Empire or the Stormcloaks?

Connecting the vast quest chains, and deep character development are the small minute to minute actions. Luckily most of these are fun, the gameplay mechanics are smooth, and the tasks are diverse. One minute you're picking a lock, the next you're launching an arrow at an unsuspecting foe. Both equally enjoyable, but each require different strategies. The game also provides interesting literature on a variety of subjects if you feel the need to do some reading. Explore, loot, read, sell/make items, and repeat. This constant rotation keeps the game interesting, and fans the flames of binge gaming.

The biggest issues with Skyrim are a semi steep learning curve, and the bugs. I spent only two years as a game tester, but my QA eye can't miss the blatant problems. Numerous visual issues, and full on crashes are not uncommon. Save often while exploring. I also found the constant chatter of NPCs to be rather annoying. Although judging from Reddit, that is now supposedly apart of the games charm.

Shot him in the neck. Still won't shut up about the Thieves Guild.

Skyrim embodies the cliche, variety is the spice of life. The games entertainment factor lies in it's diversity and solid execution. There's always something new. There's always something to do, and odds are you'll need a number of abilities to get the job done. Despite it's minor flaws Skyrim is a must own for any RPG/fantasy aficionado. Just be warned that your significant other will not be pleased if you purchase this game.

Doing What Vikings Do Best...Conquer!

Game: Viking Battle for Asgard

System: Xbox 360, PS3

Release: March 2008



Viking: Battle for Asgard is a game found in bargain bins priced under twenty bucks American. It did not sell well, and probably flew under the radar for many gamers. Now during the summer lull is a perfect time to revisit this open world hack n' slash game. It's cheap, and there is plenty of fun to be had.

Viking embraces Norse mythology for the setting and plot. The gods of Asgard are bickering, and of course mortals have to pay. The goddess Hel is pissed about her banishment. She raises an army of demons, and threatens to unleash the ancient god Fenrir. Why Fenrir? Cause he will bring about the apocalypse, or Ragnarok, that destroys Asgard.

Freya, the goddess of war, selects the main character Skarin as her mortal champion. Skarin's only desire is to be allowed entrance into Valhalla. (SPOILER) He defeats the Hel and her armies saving both mortal and god. Freya still denies his wish so Skarin unleashes Fenrir. Don't fuck with Skarin.

Ya I know. The story sounds as exciting as a moose pissing against the wind. The pacing and gameplay are what keeps this game going. Skarin must free three islands from the clutches of Hel. Each island follows a similar pattern. Build an army by freeing viking warriors at key locations. Along the way you collect gold, learn new abilities, and summon a dragon. In addition to raising an army each island has a stealth section, a tower to capture, and a large patrol to ambush.

When the army is ready you invade a fortified location. During this segment players charge into battle to take out key enemies and capture objective points. The dragons act as artillery fire, and can be used after collecting dragon ruins. Ruins are rewarded when the player kills giants or completes objectives. Once all the forts are conquered Skarin moves onto the next island.

Skarin controls like a bulky buff viking. He makes strong blows that hack off limbs. He has combos, counters, and magic. Special melee moves take a certain amount of stars to activate. Stars are unlocked by successfully hitting any enemy. The magic consists of fire, lightening, and ice. Just like every other game fire burns, lightening shocks, and ice freezes. Skarin can also share his magic with near by soldiers, which can be devastating during the large army campaigns.
Viking is nothing like the top hack/slash tittles (God of War, Ninja Gaiden, Bayonetta). The quick time events lack polish animation and suffers from camera jitters. I saw too often axes slamming into thin air instead of the flesh of my enemies. The sound quality is terrible. The frame rate suffers during large battles. Skarin is slow to block, and the dodge/counter move may suffer depending on the topography. The timing for combos is wonky at best, and the auto lock jumps from target to target way to easily. These annoyances, are just that, annoying. You'll find yourself displeased, but the fun factor is not diminished significantly.

Viking: Battle for Asgard is a great rental or cheap buy. It's everything that Yahtzee wanted Brutal Legend to be. An open world hack n' slash game with large armies and great visuals with no RTS features. The gameplay isn't perfect, but it's fun enough to tolerate. Same could be said for the story. There are crazy vikings, huge battles, magic, and dragons. That spells fun to Snerts, and my Snazzy Score is 3.8 out of 5.