Attack of the Clones!!!

I started writing a review for Homefront, but then fell into a rant. Enjoy. 

Homefront has everything that a solid FPS should have. Dynamic characters, solid gameplay, and well done cinematography. Despite having all this I will inevitably don the score of Gamefly--rent, play, move on. Why? Because I'm bored. 

Yes bored. 

I am tired of the tedious clones and other crap that graces the current console generation. 

There are a plethora of great shooter franchises to pick from, and I seldom find the new comers (Bulletstorm, Homefront, Borderlands) worth the full price of admission. The genre is overloaded with gimmicky copy cats. They add one or two neat ideas that often fail to hold interest over the coarse of the game. Bullet-time in FEAR. The leash in Bulletstorm. The nano suite in Crysis. All were fun at first, but didn't add enough to the basic formula. Shoot, run, shoot, find cover, reload/heal, repeat. The best I can hope for is a decent story that encourages me to finish the game. 

I find myself buying sequel after sequel. I have five Halo's, three Call of Duty's, two Left 4 Dead's, and one Bioshock. Each of the sequels offered something new, and often have the multiplayer community to warrant the purchase. Still I doubt Halo 4 and MW3 will offer anything substantially different. Yet I, and millions of others, will probably buy the next sequel because it's better then the clones. 

Hack n' slash games fair no better. God of War and Ninja Gaiden were games that broke barriers. The sequels were fantastic additions to each of the franchises, but it was more of the same. A few new comers pop up hear and there. Bayonetta was decent, and so was Heavenly Sword. I also enjoyed Force Unleashed and Afro Samurai. None had the same impact as the first God of War. None were as challenging as Ninja Gaiden. 

Next up on the chopping block is Bioware. I've thoroughly enjoyed most of their games, but I'm no fool. I can see a pattern that started with Knights of the Old Republic on Xbox. Moral choices, elite secret organizations, wacky friends, love affairs, and deep conversation trees; all while touring world/galaxy. This is in every title since KOTOR, and I doubt Mass Effect 3 will be any different. 

Similar statements can be made about the Fable and Fallout franchises. The first Fable and Fallout 3 were fantastic, but the sequels tended to be more of the same. A young child has something traumatic occur that leads him/her on a life long path to redemption...or revenge! Along the way they have to perform a bunch of tasks to become famous...or infamous! You make allies, gain abilities, and complete quests in the same world over and over again. RPG developers are also notorious for bugs, which is pretty sad considering the lifespan of the current console generation. 

Genres I'm unfamiliar with will only lead to speculation. So here we go!

Open world titles are series of already known mini games spread across a vast area.  New sports games, and fighters, offer roster updates and a few new moves. Racers are the same old tired franchises. JRPG's seem to be stuck in a rut, and RTS games still suck on consoles. Music inspired games is a dead genre beaten by Activision and slightly kicked by EA. Finally, since 2004, the MMORPG genre continues to be equated with World of Warcraft. Everywhere you go it's clones and sequels (or expansion packs and dlc).

I want a new and amazing videogame. I want that same feeling I got playing Splinter Cell, Shadows of the Colossus, or Halo for the first time. I want to play a game over and over again because it's that good. Something that hasn't happened since Batman: Arkham Asylum. 

One day my Gamefly account will be used for something besides sequels and clones. I'll be patient, and save money. I don't have any fantastic ideas after all....just complaints. Perhaps it's just me, or maybe developers need start coming up with better material to earn my money. Either way I'm bored. Time to take up some new hobbies, and catch up on that reading list; in between the drum n' bass events and pool parties.

Potty-mouth

Game: Bulletstrom

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: February 2011

Warning: The following contains an obscene amount of curse words. Previously, I've typed the occasional fuck, but for fucks sake this is a lot of fucking curse words. I apologize to any of my loyal readers who may be offended--fucking wankers.

Dick, shit, cock, fuck, ass, balls pretty much sums up Bulletstorm. It's an homage to my childhood days of immature jokes and hours of first-peni...errr...person shooters. 

Epic roles out a game reaming with ridiculous kills and Big Fucking Gun's. Every gun has an alt fire overkill mode which adds some flair to your standard arsenal. My favorite toy was the Flail Gun. Take two grenades and connect them with a chain. Load into the launcher, aim, and fire. Before you know bad guys are hopping mad before they go boom. Another weapon is a drill-spear gun that impales foes with ease and twirls them round and round like a fucking ferris wheel. 

If guns don't do it for ya, then try kicking grunts into cacti, or using the whip mechanic to throw them off a ledge. All the death variety serves a purpose. You score points for doing unique kills that unlock additional upgrades. The list was pretty long, and the gaming lords know I won't finish it. Still, I'm sure some completionist out there has. So kudos to that prick.

Driving the carnage is your stereotypical revenge/bromance. Mike...er..Gray Hunt and Ishi Sato are the last of their crew after a suicide attack by the former. He gave the orders to attack a really big ship because he was pissed drunk and pissed off. Apparently General Sarrano is a big asshole, and Gray is just the dick to fuck him for good. Ishi gets to become a border line psychotic cyborg, and the female role played by Trishka cements the fact that no one is gay--despite the copious use of the word "dick." Things go wrong, then right, then back to wrong, and before you know it everything is dead. Throw on a teaser for the next game and call it a day. 

Multiplayer sucks ass because EA hates renters. Those who want to experience Buletstorms MP must buy the game new to obtain a code. If you don't have this code, then you must pay to play. Honestly with so many quality FPS games out there--Halo Reach, Black Ops, MW2, L4D2, Battlefield--I hardly see the need to fork over more money. 

All things considered Bulletstorm is a fun game. I enjoyed the guns and the killing reward system. The plot wasn't the worse thing I've ever witnessed, nor was it amazing. The environments were dam gorgeous, but the enemies were boring bitches. The immature characters and dialog doesn't help the game either (nor does it help this review). It's just another additional to the FPS genre that few will probably care to play. Snerts Snazzy Score is Gamefly--especially for shooter fans. Rent, play, and get all those penis puns out of your system.