Potty-mouth

Game: Bulletstrom

System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Release: February 2011

Warning: The following contains an obscene amount of curse words. Previously, I've typed the occasional fuck, but for fucks sake this is a lot of fucking curse words. I apologize to any of my loyal readers who may be offended--fucking wankers.

Dick, shit, cock, fuck, ass, balls pretty much sums up Bulletstorm. It's an homage to my childhood days of immature jokes and hours of first-peni...errr...person shooters. 

Epic roles out a game reaming with ridiculous kills and Big Fucking Gun's. Every gun has an alt fire overkill mode which adds some flair to your standard arsenal. My favorite toy was the Flail Gun. Take two grenades and connect them with a chain. Load into the launcher, aim, and fire. Before you know bad guys are hopping mad before they go boom. Another weapon is a drill-spear gun that impales foes with ease and twirls them round and round like a fucking ferris wheel. 

If guns don't do it for ya, then try kicking grunts into cacti, or using the whip mechanic to throw them off a ledge. All the death variety serves a purpose. You score points for doing unique kills that unlock additional upgrades. The list was pretty long, and the gaming lords know I won't finish it. Still, I'm sure some completionist out there has. So kudos to that prick.

Driving the carnage is your stereotypical revenge/bromance. Mike...er..Gray Hunt and Ishi Sato are the last of their crew after a suicide attack by the former. He gave the orders to attack a really big ship because he was pissed drunk and pissed off. Apparently General Sarrano is a big asshole, and Gray is just the dick to fuck him for good. Ishi gets to become a border line psychotic cyborg, and the female role played by Trishka cements the fact that no one is gay--despite the copious use of the word "dick." Things go wrong, then right, then back to wrong, and before you know it everything is dead. Throw on a teaser for the next game and call it a day. 

Multiplayer sucks ass because EA hates renters. Those who want to experience Buletstorms MP must buy the game new to obtain a code. If you don't have this code, then you must pay to play. Honestly with so many quality FPS games out there--Halo Reach, Black Ops, MW2, L4D2, Battlefield--I hardly see the need to fork over more money. 

All things considered Bulletstorm is a fun game. I enjoyed the guns and the killing reward system. The plot wasn't the worse thing I've ever witnessed, nor was it amazing. The environments were dam gorgeous, but the enemies were boring bitches. The immature characters and dialog doesn't help the game either (nor does it help this review). It's just another additional to the FPS genre that few will probably care to play. Snerts Snazzy Score is Gamefly--especially for shooter fans. Rent, play, and get all those penis puns out of your system. 

Nickeled and Dimed

The source of my rant:

EA is attempting to make some extra cash from the used-game market. Customers are required to enter a one time code to access multiplayer content. For those who don't have the code they must pay to play. Why does this bug me? I rent. Specifically I rent from Gamefly. I happen to enjoy their services, and have had no major issues. I was most displeased when I discovered Bulletstorm's MP was not accessible. I pay for Xbox Live (well not lately I've been using up the free passes from old games). I pay for Gamefly, and all the other items necessary to play games. Why do I have to pay for multiplayer in EA tittles? 

I continue to find the overall cost of games rising steadily. Buy new hardware to experience motion controls, 3D, and music like gaming. These new features can sky rocket the price of modern home entertainment system, but they are only the big ticket items. 

DLC content continues to change the landscape of released tittles. Map packs in FPS tittles take precedent in on-line play, and divide the have's from the have-not's. Ranging from $10 to $15 per DLC the cost of a game can go up to $100 fast. For RPG's, story arcs are expanded, and players are encouraged to buy expansion packs. If they don't, then they'll be behind once the next full game is released. These additions can cost up to $40, and this doesn't include any in-game items you choose to buy. All of this must have merchandise does add/enhance the gaming experience, but the price of admission is often not worth it. 

If studios and publishers are so desperate for cash, then why don't they look towards advertising. There is vast amounts of empty space in games that can be utilized for ads. Load screens are the easy example. Do you really need the hints? Especially for long running franchises like Halo and Call of Duty--grenades kill, cover protects, bad guys die from taking damage etc. etc. etc. Throw up a quick 7-11 or McDonald's logo next to the hints, or go all the way with a quick commercial. Load screens are usually fifteen to thirty seconds long, which is plenty of time for a fast word from our sponsors. Tittle updates can replace the commercials if needed. This idea can also be applied to intro and tittle screens. 

Games are already seeing advertisements slip into certain genres. Billboards in racing games are a great reference for expanding ads in other areas. The key is to make the ads noticeable, but not overbearing. Gamers will be hesitant to accept advertisements and it is important not to distract from the entertainment factor. Ads should be in areas that do not inhibit gameplay, or ruin a cinematic moment. This is why I suggest load screens, or other areas that are not in-game.

Will there be backlash? Yes of course there will. People also dislike ads in movies and television, yet they still exist. People will not stop buying games because of advertisement. Just like they won't stop buying games because of the price of DLC or multiplayer. 

Ideally I would love to see two options develop--ads or bills. Gamers can be billed and see no ads like many internet subscriptions. Or they can tolerate advertisements in their games. Both are granted full access to a game, which after-all is what this rant was originally all about.