Aliens, Predators, and Marines = Trifecta of Lame

Game: Aliens vs. Predator

System: PC, PS3, Xbox 360

Release: February 2010

Two movies captured the hearts and minds of sci-fi lovers everywhere in the 1980s without using light sabers, time travel, or Klingons. Yes I'm talking about Aliens (the second one of course) and Predator. Both these movies were very entertaining and successful, which lead to a host of crappy sequels. Eventually both series were so desperate for more films they combined the franchises into Predator vs. Aliens. This would then lead to crappy video games.

AvP has three main groups. Marines, Predators, and Aliens. Each have intertwining stories, and each have their own unique gameplay. The Marines are your typical soldier from any FPS. You are the rookie. Everyone tells you what to do, and for some reason your the only one capable of getting it done. Inserts evil corporation, guns from the Alien movies, and the usual dialogue “Oh Shit their everywhere!” to complete the package.

The Predator campaign presents the most options aka tools of destruction. All the famous weapons are present along with stealth abilities. I defiantly felt like a Predator throughout the campaign. Fighting both Aliens and Marines is remarkably different compared to the repetitive nature of the Marine and Alien sections. You also get the cool finishing moves as a Predator that reminded me of Mortal Kombat fatalities.

Story wise nothing really made sense. The Predator character is a rookie—sigh—who plays archaeologists on earth. Like all Predators they enter an area kill all life. Then to be sure everything is dead they detonate a WMD. Who needs a motive? Not Mr. Predator.

The Alien campaign is the shortest. The plot is pretty straight forward and boring. You are an Alien branded with the #6—oooooohhhhhhh. You escape. Gasp! And are contacted by your queen so she can give you objectives! Shocker! Eventually the queen dies and you replace her. The cycle of life continues!

The Alien gameplay experience is disorienting yet fun. You can cling to any surface. Swing the Aliens deadly tale, and you climb through vents like a pro. Like the Predator you get cool fatalities and plenty of Marines to disembowel. Unfortunately there are no upgrades to your abilities and objectives are simplistic. This campaign gets boring and repetitive fast.

Whenever I hear the term Predator I think of two things. Corny Arnold impersonations by drunken friends, and bad ass aliens who's only purpose in life is to “hunt” things. Apparently “hunt” is Predator slang for disembowel, dismember, or decapitate. When I hear “Alien” a host of thoughts occur because everything is a fucking alien. Just ask the folks in Arizona. Aliens vs. Predator brings about memories of crappy plot and not enough space sentient action.

The most recent video game continues that trend flawlessly. Fans of the series will enjoy the game. The rest of us will experience a mediocre FPS that fails to improve upon a ten year old system. AvP is a renter at best, and it's popularity is apparent by its lack of any significant MP community. Snerts Snazzy Score grants Aliens vs. Predator a 3.8 out of 5.

Reaching for a New Halo

Game: Halo Reach (MP Beta)

System: Xbox 360

Release: Finished Game is due Nov. 2010.


Halo has stuck to the same formula over four games. Minor adjustments and additions have occurred with each release, but the thirty seconds of fun remains the same. All Halo games consist of the following.

Grenades and melee supplement standard gunfire.
Shields regenerate.
Vehicles a plenty.
Aliens aka Covenant.
Space zombies aka Flood.
Space marines.
Campaign supports co-op, but story is meh.
Multiplayer is fun with a variety of game types.

Recently Bungie and Microsoft launched a beta multiplayer test for Halo: Reach. I have never experienced a Halo like Reach. The controls have been changed for the better. No longer will you have to remove your thumb from the right analog stick to melee. Right bumper is melee. “X” is finally reload/use. Left bumper activates armor abilities—more on that later. “B” changes grenade type, and everything else is unchanged. This minor tweak does wonders for the gameplay, and is a welcomed change to the traditional, and outdated, control scheme. Armor abilities are the most exciting addition to gameplay. Players can select between various load outs before spawning in. This dictates your weapon selection and armor ability. Four different armor abilities exist for Spartans, and two options are given to Elites. The later can utilize invisibility and a handy dodge move. The former is given sprint, armor lock, jet pack, and invisibility. Armor lock temporary makes the Spartan invincible and releases a EMP shock wave. The others are self explanatory. These new moves really spice up the battlefield, and create an extra layer of strategy to an already fantastic franchise. New moves are not the only add on for Halo Reach. Players will get to experience a variety of fresh game modes. Headhunter, for example, puts a new spin on King of the Hill and Deathmatch. Kill an opponent so they drop a skull. Turn the collected skull(s) into the nearest objective point before someone kills you. Stockpile is a capture the flag (CTF) game. Three or more flags spawn across the map. Gather up the flags and return them to your base. Keep the flags in your base until the count down is over. Rinse and repeat.

The most original Halo game type is Invasion. Spartans defend key objectives as Elites attempt to capture said objectives. Three separate zones provides different armor abilities and weapon load outs. Vehicles come into play, and up to twelve players can participate. Fans of Big Team Battles will love this new mode. ODST had me worried that Bungie's day in the sun were over. The Reach Beta has decimated those concerns. New game modes. New abilities. New maps. New weapons and more that I didn't even mention in this post. I am officially excited about Halo Reach, and if your a fan of MP FPS action so should you.

Ubisoft Puts the "Ass" in Assassin

Game: Assassins Creed II

Systems: Xbox 360, PC, PS3

Release: March 2010


Assassins Creed was one of the most boring games I have ever played. The controls were awkward. The setting was bland. The plot was down right silly. After a few hours of play I set down the controls and returned the game. More recently I got a hold of the sequel. The controls got a bit better, and the setting of 15th century Italy is more interesting. The plot, however, is still silly, and I doubt I'll ever have a desire to play the game again.

The entire premise for this series is down right dumb. In the not so distant future an evil group called the Templars are attempting to find a secret weapon that can do all sorts of stuff. The problem is no one knows where this weapon is, and the only way to find it is to look into the past. Books and ancient records, however, are not enough. To truly find the information people are hooked up to a machine called the Animus. This device allows people to scan the memories of their ancestors, and the main character Desmond just so happens to have a butt load of ancestors with knowledge of this secret weapon.

The first game had Desmond going through the memories of Altair during the crusades. Desmond also found out the corporation that runs the Animus is connected to the Templars. The sequel begins with Desmond being freed by the female "hero" Lucy. She takes him to a rag tag rebellious group that is also searching for the secret weapon.The key is to follow the memories of Ezio an assassin from Renaissance Italy. By the end of the game SPOILER Desmond discovers the truth. Aliens created the world and gave a dire warning of some future catastrophe. This is all explained in a pathetic ending monologue that struggles to cover up all the crappy plot holes.

So the story is dog poop on a stick, but that isn't anything new to video games. Gameplay and graphics will give some form of entertainment. The environment engine is truly fantastic. I really felt like I was running through 15th century Italy. Giant church steeples punch through the sky line. Venice is truly a labyrinth of water ways. Art is everywhere, and the carnival brought some color into the otherwise brown/red motif. As a student of history I had a blast roaming old school Italy. Unfortunately with all the graphical power going to environments character models suffer. Everyone runs around with giant fish mouths, their hair physics are rigid, and their eyes bulge outward.

Gameplay denotes improvement from the previous game, but still feels awkward. Combat is all about countering and dodging. This creates situations where you simply hold down block and wait for someone to attack. Running away is still more fun then fighting in Ass Creed II--unless you get the drop on someone.

Leonardo da Vinci is your gadget man, and he does make some cool toys. The famous hidden blade is now doubled so players can assassinate two people at once. A poisoned hidden blade is ridiculously fun. Pick a victim. Prick with poison, and watch as they throw their arms/weapons around while they slowly die. Ezio even gets a gun, which is extremely over powered in a land of arrows and swords. What about the flying machine you ask? Meh. Ubisoft over hyped the famous da Vinci glider, and the game is fun despite its pathetic weak-sauce.

Assassins Creed II is not a bad game, but it is far from anything spectacular. Fans of the first will enjoy the second. The rest of us will probably rent the game, play it once, and move on. Exploring Italian cities and poisoning people are the most entertaining parts of the game. The plot, character models, and combat still need improvement. Snerts Snazzy Score is a 4 out of 5.